Title: if i could turn back time..
Description: {open}
mackenzie finch-fletchley - September 15, 2007 01:56 AM (GMT)
Closure. Kenzie needed closure. She knew that, she'd known that for a while. But she was scared to move on. Al was everything she knew. For an entire year, he'd been everything to her. He'd been her best friend, he'd been her confidant, he'd been the one she saw every single day. She'd spent almost all of her free time with him. Okay, now she sounded like some obsessed, crazy girl. But really, he'd been everything to her. She'd loved him, more than anything else in the world. And then, it had all ended. And she hadn't gotten to say goodbye.
They hadn't let her see the body. And she hadn't gone to the funeral. She'd tried to. But when she'd reached the doors, she'd stopped. It was like her feet had been glued to the floor. Her hands had been on the doors, ready to push them open. But she hadn't been able to move. So, she'd just stood there, tears rolling down her cheeks, outside of the Great Hall. Until she'd finally turned and ran. And ran. And ran. She'd collapsed somewhere outside of the forest, falling to her hands and knees, unable to breathe anymore. It felt like her heart had been torn out. And she'd never gotten the chance to say goodbye.
She'd gone home for a weekend, after the funeral. The headmaster thought it was best for her. And while she was home, she'd been in a muggle bookshop. She'd seen a book on loss and mourning. So, she'd picked it up and read through it. They suggested writing a letter to the person who had passed, just for closure. Kenzie hadn't really thought of it until now, but it made sense. A letter would give her the chance to speak those unspoken things that she'd wanted to tell him. There was so much she needed to say. And she figured that at least writing it all down might help. Even if she didn't know what she'd do with the letter once it was done.
The sun was shining as she made her way onto the lawn. In her hands, she carried a quill, a small bottle of deep pink ink, and three pieces of clean parchment, along with a heavy book. She needed something to write on, you know. Over her arm, she'd draped a small blanket. She saw an empty space under the shade of a tree. She quickly walked over and spread out the blanket. She got settled, opening the ink bottle. She smoothed the parchment and dipped her quill into the ink. Now came the hard part.
She thought for a moment, letting the quill rest in the bottle of ink. There was a lot that she wanted to say, and she just needed to make sure it all made sense. Even if she never did anything with the letter, it had to make sense. She picked up her quill, pausing before beginning to write in her neat handwriting.
Dear Al,
I know you'll never read this. But I was home, and stepped into a bookshop. I saw a book on loss, and began to flip through it. Which is where the letter idea came from. So, I'm writing you a letter. Because, well, there is so much that needs to be said. I need you to know how I feel, and I want you to know how hurt I am. I just hope this letter gives me closure. Because, Al, I need it..
Tears dropped to the parchment, smudging the ink. She just sighed, looking out at the people on the lawns. The weather was beautiful, so there were plenty of people out here. If she'd been able to go back in time, she'd probably be sitting on one of the benches, kissing Al. Like they'd done so many sunny afternoons after class. God, she missed him. She wished she could go back. Just for a day. To make sure he knew how much she loved him..