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d e a t h is not the end > notes and owls; > for all t h o s e``times.



Title: for all t h o s e``times.
Description: asher


rosalie creevey - September 7, 2007 04:11 AM (GMT)
Asher
    Okay, I know I'm the last person you
    want to speak to. And I know that now
    is the worst possible moment as we are currently
    sitting in our Transfigurations class...

    BUT...

    I'm sorry for leaving him Ash.
    I really am. And I wish there was
    a way for me to justify my actions
    to you but I can't. Not now; maybe
    one day. I'm also sorry for leaving you
    to deal with him. I know how hard it can
    be on you. He never told me how he
    dealt with it. We really tried to avoid
    that topic of conversation when we
    saw each other again... Just for me,
    could you tell me... Was he okay
    while I was gone?

    Love,
Rosie.

asher goldstein - September 7, 2007 04:24 AM (GMT)
Rosalie
    ....
    honestly Rosalie...
    I can't find words
    to truly justify what
    I feel right now.
    I'll be civil, I'll promise you
    that, but whether I
    like it or not, I can't mask
    all of my feelings with usual
    happiness. Just a little heads up

    You aren't the last person
    I'd want to speak too
    There is that guy in the corner
    rotating from
    scratching his arse
    and digging out ear wax
    so you're ahead of one person

    *sigh*
    Don't say it that way...
    leaving me to deal with him
    I don't like how it sounds
    Malcolm as never been a burden to me
    you make it sound like a chore
    but...I suppose I accept your apology
    I know you mean well despite your
    previous actions and I understand
    that you have your secrets and it's none of
    my business why you left.

    ......
    define ok?
    I hate to be the one to tell you
    honest I am. I'd rather you hear how much
    you affect him. How much you mean to him.
    But...no. He wasn't in the slightest...
- Asher

[Just for mood and atmosphere purposes, Asher rarely ever calls her Rosalie. He usually just calls her Rose, Rosa or some other random nickname]

rosalie creevey - September 7, 2007 12:09 PM (GMT)
Asher
    I wish I was able to tell you,
    to tell Mal, where I was. I want
    to but a part of me wants to let it alone
    and forget what happened to me.
    Forget what I went through,
    even though I know it's probably
    going to be a burden on my shoulders
    for a long time. Not only that but my
    pride also is rather touchy about the
    subject and I... well- it's just rather
    complicated at this point in my
    life.

    I didn't mean it to sound like he was
    some sort of horrid child that couldn't
    be tamed. I just mean to say, I know
    what he gets like. All brood-y and quiet,
    more so then usual, and I know this
    effects you a lot. So what he went through
    couldn't have been easy for you either,
    and I'm sorry I left you in such a position.
    You do have every right to hate me like
    you do.

    I know. Deep down I think I've always
    known but some sort of denial never truly
    allowed me to believe it. I feel the same,
    always have, always will... If it helps my
    case at all, I was the same without him.
    And it wasn't me that chose to stay away
    for so long... I was forced to.

    Love,
Rosalie

asher goldstein - September 7, 2007 07:24 PM (GMT)

Rosalie
    I understand that whatever
    it was must have been important
    but you could have at least said
    something...anything
    Sure, Mal would have been confused
    about it, he might have even been
    upset, but at least he would have known
    you were safe. That you didn't die
    in some freak accident or was kidnapped
    or something. He would have known
    you respected and cared for him enough
    to not worry him so

    Rosie...I don't hate you.
    Honest I don't.
    I'm just...I'm flustered and confused
    about why you didn't say one word
    no goodbye, no I have to go away for a year
    no nothing
    Gah, I'm not even making sense and I
    have no clue what's going on in here
    if the professor calls on me, I'm screwed

    The same without him?
    It's hard for me to understand that
    Do you have any idea what he was like?
    He wasn't Malcolm at all. He was an empty shell
    a ghost that seemed to drift around
    his grades dropped
    he stopped talking almost completely
    sometimes he didn't even answer professors
    I had to be in fits of anger or on the verge
    of tears to get him to even fully notice me
    whether you were forced or not you could
    have at least let someone know you were
    still breathing. I'll say it again, I don't hate you
    but I'm not going to lie to myself or you this
    time and pretend that I'm very happy about any
    of this. I accept your apologies but I'm not going
    to just put it all behind me and forget so quickly
    especially not over an hour of class time
- Asher

rosalie creevey - September 7, 2007 08:06 PM (GMT)
Asher
    You don't understand... They wouldn't
    let me... Agh, I can't explain it to you without
    giving away what happened. Even if I had
    tried to contact him I wouldn't have been
    able to lie to him, I wouldn't have been able
    to tell him, "oh I'm fine." Because I wasn't.
    Besides, he never wrote me.

    Ugh, I can't believe I just wrote that.
    I don't mean it the way it sounded.
    I just meant that letter writing doesn't
    cross my mind unless it's to respond
    to someone else. You being the exception
    today because you didn't wave back when
    I waved at you while coming into the classroom.

    Truthfully... I didn't know why my parents
    would make me stay that long. After the first
    three months I could walk again... But they
    made me stay home stil- I should potentially
    cross out what I just wrote. But I'm not going
    to.

    By the way, we're discussing Animaguses.

    Well I just mean to say, if he was anything like
    I was. Then we were the same... If you get what
    I mean. ...I... why didn't he write me?
    Why didn't he try and contact me? Why didn't you?
    Why didn't anyone try to tell me how bad he was?
    He... Oh my god Asher. I spent so much of
    that time wallowing in self pity that I never
    stopped to think how much he cared.
    I... I... My brain is numb, I just...

asher goldstein - September 7, 2007 08:14 PM (GMT)

Rosalie
    ......
    What do you mean he never
    wrote you?!?
    Rosalie...
    he wrote you every single night
    sometimes even twice.
    Ok, I may be exaggerating, but he
    wrote at least 4 times a week
    It got so bad his owl was
    growing sick of flying back and forth
    You never got any of them?!?
    There had to be hundreds!!

    Look, I won't press what happened
    I won't ask why you were away
    it's none of my business
    and no I didn't wave back
    because I would have rather kept
    my thoughts to myself
    I don't want to be upset, but I can't help it

    I didn't contact you because
    he was sending enough letters out
    for me and all the Weasleys combined...
    ....you honestly didn't get them???
- Ash

rosalie creevey - September 7, 2007 08:19 PM (GMT)
Asher
    No. I didn't get one single piece of mail while
    I was holed up in a Cabin in the middle-of-nowhere
    Scotland. Yeah I know technically, Middle-Of-Nowhere
    is in Ireland, but it felt like it was in Scotland while I was
    there. But that's beside the point, WHAT DO YOU MEAN
    HE SENT ME HUNDREDS OF LETTERS?

    I didn't get one. Not even one from my own sister.
    Who was allowed to go back to Hogwarts after Summer,
    unlike me. Tangent again, sorry...
    I- are you sure Edd was going to the right place?
Rosalie

asher goldstein - September 7, 2007 08:27 PM (GMT)

Rosalie
    I'm positive. Edd's never failed
    at finding anyone before.
    and with as long as we've known you
    it's impossible for him not to know you

    Maybe...maybe you're parents kept them
    from you? It's not unheard of. Screwed up...
    but not unheard of...
    But yes...he's sent hundreds. There was one day
    Edd was so exhausted we thought he was ill
    we stayed in his cage for two days
    and even then, Mal borrowed Gypsy
    to deliver them....
- Asher

rosalie creevey - September 7, 2007 08:36 PM (GMT)
Asher
    My parents wouldn't...
    They couldn't...
    They saw...
    They knew...

    ...I just... don't understand.
Rosalie

asher goldstein - September 7, 2007 08:47 PM (GMT)

Rosie
    I dunno what to say Rosie
    I mean...there's no other way
    that all of those letters...
    all of those trips Edd made...

    I dunno what happened with you
    or why they'd do such a thing
    but I do know there were letters
    Maybe....maybe we should just drop
    the subject for now
    give us both some time to think...
- Ash

rosalie creevey - September 8, 2007 04:43 PM (GMT)
Asher
    Ash... I've hurt Malcolm so bad.
    I never meant to put him through that.
    I wish he could tell me himself all this,
    but he won't. He doesn't want to talk
    about it. But I'm afraid that if we don't
    it's going to be just a painful scar on
    our relationship... What do I do? I
    don't want to hurt him any more...
Rosalie.

asher goldstein - September 8, 2007 04:57 PM (GMT)
Rosie
    Hmm...
    I know you're
    being sincere...you
    always have been. Maybe
    I can talk him into it
    I'm sure he doesn't want it to
    affect your relationship now that
    your back. But you're going
    to have to tell him why you
    left. Neither of you will get past it
    if you both don't come clean about what's
    happened this past year...
- Ash

rosalie creevey - September 8, 2007 05:35 PM (GMT)
Ash
    I'm afraid that if I tell him the truth,
    he'll never be able to look at me the same
    ever again. He'll be disgusted, and turned
    away... then how could I live with myself
    any more then I do now?
Rosie

asher goldstein - September 8, 2007 06:29 PM (GMT)
Rosie
    But would you rather
    have him not know and not
    be able to trust you?
    I mean without knowledge of
    why you left, he has no clue
    what you could have been up to
    for all you know he thinks the worst
    already. Besides he'll think you don't
    trust him enough to handle it

    If I were you...I'd rather him
    look at me disgusted and turn away
    cause eventually, he'd get over it
    and you were honest so he'd
    respect it. There would be no doubt
    of what went on and eventually
    even though it may not be exactly the
    same, you could build and come close

    I probably make no sense. But
    I think that if I were him, and you
    didn't tell me or you lied,
    it' would be much worse
    than if you just confided and trusted
    me to handle it. Plus it'd
    be a huge weight off your shoulders
    Yea...I make no sense
    but that's what I think...
- Ash

rosalie creevey - September 8, 2007 06:32 PM (GMT)
Ash.
    I was pregnant.

asher goldstein - September 8, 2007 06:42 PM (GMT)
Rose
    .........
    wha....
    by who?!?
    Please don't tell
    me it was Malcolm's...

    or...it wasn't, was it?
    that's why you don't
    want to tell him....
    who's was it??

rosalie creevey - September 8, 2007 06:56 PM (GMT)
Ash
    NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE
    PREDICAMENT I AM IN?
    No. It was not your brother's. We have
    not had sex... -jumbled words, several crossed out-
    Of course I don't want him to know
    because the moment he figures it out
    he'll know who it was and go storming
    the castle. One, I don't want him fighting
    Dolohov. Two, I don't want Dolohov knowing.
    Three, I don't want Malcolm to know, ever.
    Four, You need to swear you'll keep your
    mouth shut. Five, why did you think I've slept
    with your brother?

asher goldstein - September 8, 2007 08:29 PM (GMT)
Rose
    Yes. I do now...
    but I would still tell him.
    I can't imagine what you
    went and are going through
    honest I can't but think about it
    what if word somehow does get out?
    No I won't say anything, because
    I want him to hear it from you
    and he wouldn't believe me anyway

    But what if someone figured it out
    or just guessed and started spreading it
    around? Would you rather him find out
    from you? Or someone else and not only
    be crushed by the fact you got pregnant
    by Ivan but that you hid it from him
    and wasn't planning on telling him?

    *shrugs* Any and everybody knows
    you two are head over heels for each
    other. For all I know/knew you
    two finally caved in and admitted it
    to one another. Mal doesn't tell me everything
    you know. Lucky for me
    I know how to use my eyes
    and gut instinct and intuition

rosalie creevey - September 8, 2007 09:01 PM (GMT)
Ash
    he'll hate me forever.
    and ever. and ever.
    and his hate will seep into
    our next life. where he'll find me
    and hate me some more.

    I think things would be easier if
    we didn't love each other, don't you?

asher goldstein - September 8, 2007 09:07 PM (GMT)
Rosalie
    That's the whole point
    HE LOVES YOU!!!!
    He'll get over it.
    Yes, it'll take time but everyone
    makes mistakes. Even Malcolm
    It's not your fault he is still
    too chicken to fess up
    to his feelings
    but it is your fault if you
    don't fess up to him
    are you honestly
    going to let one mistake
    ruin any chance you'll
    ever have with him?
    because I know Mal
    and if you don't tell him
    and he finds out anyways
    there's going to be a lot less
    of a chance that he'll
    forgive you.
    Now. Stop. being. a. baby.
    and don't let your chance
    slip away

rosalie creevey - September 8, 2007 09:24 PM (GMT)
Ash
    you're obviously missing the bigger picture
    here, so let me point it out. Me + Dolohov = had sex.
    Until I went out with him I was very, very much
    a virgin. Like to the extent where I wasn't planning on
    having it any time soon. Dolohov was only in it for
    the sex, that's all he got out of me. He only stuck
    around as long as he did cos I held out for so
    long. But my point is Mal is a really smart guy,
    he knew all of this. And if I tell him I got pregnant
    he'll know. He'll know exactly who I lost it
    to, why I lost and ... well the last one is a given.

    Why am I discussing this with you?


    And stop treating me like I'm 6.

    And... you try being in love with
    someone and having the nerve to
    tell them. jeez.
Rose

asher goldstein - September 8, 2007 09:36 PM (GMT)
Rosalie
    I dunno why you are.
    I think maybe deep down
    you wanted someone's advice
    Yes, yes. You lost your virginity
    to a prick and Malcolm will be pissed
    at what has happened. I get the big picture
    you are the one who is missing it
    Malcolm is a very smart guy
    as you mentioned
    a secret like that you can't hide forever
    and Ivan being the big mouth he is
    is going to use you against him the
    minute the two of them clash heads
    which could be at anytime
    seeing as they hate each other
    once he realizes that you slept together
    it'll click, just as you said.
    It'll work forward and backward that little series
    of events. What you don't understand is that
    unless he hears it from you, he'll be bitter and even
    more angry.

    and how do you know that's never
    happened to me? Maybe you need treated
    like your 6

    I'm just saying, unless you want my honest
    opinion don't bother asking or implying
    you want advice. I'm trying to help you
    and Malcolm both. If he loves you, he will forgive
    you eventually. End of story. If you love him, you
    won't keep him in the dark for Ivan to crush
    him in front of God knows how many people
    because I guarantee, he'll stoop that low

[lol, Asher's getting angry again]

rosalie creevey - September 9, 2007 04:37 AM (GMT)
Ash
    Fine. So I wanted advice, I mean I've been
    going so long without it. And you seemed to be
    the best person to ask, you're like Mini-Mal except
    you're a hufflepuff... But that only means you're
    more sociable then him.

    I'm off topic. I will tell him. I don't know how,
    or when... But I will. Even if I have to corner him
    after class and spill the beans... I'll tell him.
    And... Mal hates Ivan? Why?

    ...I'm sorry Ash. I really, really mean it.
Rosie

asher goldstein - September 9, 2007 05:08 AM (GMT)
Rosie
    Mini Mal.
    People tell me that
    all the time, though
    I'm not sure whether or not
    it's completely a good thing
    I love my brother
    but living in his shadow isn't
    something I'm going to do forever
    but that slight rant isn't something you
    need to hear. I'm glad you came to me

    Good. I'm happy you're
    going to. Very much so.
    And do I honestly have to tell you?
    He loves you Rosie. He has since I can remember
    Ivan treated you like shit, which
    caused him to dislike him. Gosh girls can be so dense
    hahaha

    Stop apologizing. I hate that.
    There's nothing to apologize for
- Ash

rosalie creevey - September 9, 2007 05:14 AM (GMT)
Ash
    who else could I go to besides Mal?
    you're practically my own brother at this
    point. and you don't totally live
    in his shadow. a lot of people know just
    you, and not him.

    it's not just me that's dense! it's him too,
    if we both hadn't been so horribly blinded
    all of this wouldn't have happened! we
    would've been happy, okay...
    guh. you're right. I'm dense, and I have
    tons to apologize for.
Rosie

asher goldstein - September 9, 2007 05:29 AM (GMT)
Ring Around the Rosie
    Meh, maybe you're right
    my life at the moment doesn't
    matter right now

    I agree. You both are dense
    but it's ok, because it happens
    to the best of us. We're allowed
    to make mistakes

    No you don't
    Not to me anyways
- Ashes Ashes We All Fall Down
P.S. Did you know that song's about the plague? Depressin, eh?

rosalie creevey - September 9, 2007 08:42 PM (GMT)
Ash
    you're life does matter.
    but I won't get philosophical
    on you right now. hehe.

    I hate mistakes. Especially
    my own. But that's a complex
    I am doomed to live with forever.
    I shouldn't be allowed to make
    mistakes cos all of mine ruin lives.

    yeah to you. one day you'll
    know why.
Rosie
PS: that's clever.

asher goldstein - September 9, 2007 09:31 PM (GMT)
Rosie
    Haha, we'll save it
    for another time then

    They don't ruin lives
    you're too hard on yourself
    mistakes are mistakes
    eventually things fix themselves
    maybe not always completely
    but I guarantee things between
    you and Mal will be fine

    no....wait...
    what do you mean
    one day?
    As long as you don't
    tell me it was your cat
    that murdered Dusty
    there is nothing for you
    to ever apologize to me for
- Ash

rosalie creevey - September 10, 2007 02:29 AM (GMT)
Ashie
    yes, another time I'll get on
    your case about metaphysicals
    and all that fun stuff.

    well I'm a Ravenclaw, that
    comes naturally to us
    geniuses. I'm too much
    of a chicken to say it to
    his face though.

    I never had a cat Ashie dear.
    I had a bunny rabbit.
    and yes, one day..
    no I'm not going to
    explain. I'm a Raven.
    we speak in code.
Rosalie




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