Color me red
Red rhymes with dead
A decaying slumber
Color me red
When you’re dead
You bleed
Bittersweet liquid
The feeling of red is shocking, vibrant, unexpected
The taste of red is metallic sliding down my throat

Bite me
Be mine
Die
Don’t let me Go
LOVE ME

Loneliness is black
It feels like scalding coffee in your mouth
And is suffocating like the smoke
And reminds me of a blanket I can’t untangle around my face
It sounds like rain that is falling
When I’m alone I feel like crying


My heart is like the ocean
Much too deep for me to understand
Its’ rhythm is like the undertow
Once it takes you its hard to let you go
It might seem cold or dark like the night
But I promise I won't bite



A/N: I edited it just a lil bit cuz it didn't fit me very well

i love this one AND the revised version

I think that a lot of the imagery is really good, I like the undertow part and the coffee part especially, but sometimes when you complete thoughts like "it feels like a blanket I can't untangle around my face" it breaks the entire flow. Also, you may want to avoid cliches about your heart and the ocean, however tempting it is. Anyway, it needs a bit of editing, but I like it regardless. :)

i love both pieces of the writing, they're very inspiring, great job ^^

luvz ya
Anwen
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:lol: Oh! I didn't even realize ya'll had reviewed. Thanks, both of you! I personally think it sucked, especially the part about the coffee and the ocean. But thanks anyways :D

I like it!!!

... :o ... wow! I'm guessing that time away from us did you good! This is amazing, I can picture so many things, welcome back you!

:lol:
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