Title: Push It Deep.
Description: Based on a poem. Contains suicide. 12
Description: Based on a poem. Contains suicide. 12
Anwen - June 28, 2005 05:17 PM (GMT)
Push it deep.
Just when I think I am alone,
My mind comes back to remind me,
That there’s really no such thing.
The only thing that will give me peace,
Is to take my knife and push it deep.
She was alone, alone, the word was sweet on her lips, and she wanted to be alone. Well she was the closest she could get to alone; her mind pestered her, reminded her of her troubles, and reminded her of the solution, but with no one around watching her, glaring at her, worrying about her. She could say what she wanted and no one would tell her she was wrong, she could think what she wanted and no one would think she was weird or disturbed. When she was alone…she could do what she wanted.
Her eyes shot to her dressing table, or more importantly her mirror, she climbed from her bed and walked towards it, she examined herself, her long brown hair was messy and fell into her eyes which were a hazel, but at the moment her eyes had a haunted look about them, as if she was already dead.
All I want is some time alone,
So I can dive into part of my mind unseen,
I need to explore feelings that have come amiss,
But something inside me wants me so take my knife and push it into the abyss.
She moved her mirror over slowly, as if this was a holy thing, behind it laid a shoe box, she placed the mirror where it was, she took her place in the middle of her floor on her dark matt, old stains were faded into the matt, people just thought she was messy, they had no idea who she was.
She slowly ran her fingers across the box’s lid and lifted it, she knew what was inside but a gasp escaped her, as her own escape lay inside. Inside the box lay a knife, it was a ceremonial knife; it had a black hilt with silver droplets which symbolized blood shed. Around the knife there were tissues, some were still white and clean, but others were covered in dry blood. She sighed in relief, she didn’t know why, but no one was home, she could do what she wanted to, and she could scream because no one would hear, she wouldn’t have to gag herself to keep her secret.
She slowly picked up the knife, she let a pale finger run across the metal, and she let a rare smile escape her lips as cold metal came into contact with her cold skin, she then took hold of the knife firmly in one hand, she brought up the sleeve of her sweater to see slashes in her wrists, some were faded and old, some were recent and there were still bits of dried blood on the scars.
She closed her eyes and brought the knife down, in one swipe her eyes shot open as she felt the skin slit, she could almost hear the cells in her blood scream in their agony, she smiled to herself as blood ran down her hands, onto her fingers, and then to drip onto the matt.
She repeated the motion, by the fifth slash she cried out in pain, her eyes raised to the ceiling. It hurt, but it felt so good, it made her feel how she wanted to feel, she wanted to feel this pain so she could get used to it, so she could get used to it so when she was hurt she wouldn’t be bothered by it. But as blood poured onto her floor, she thought of something, something bad, but something she’d longed for.
‘Why get used to the pain, why do this so I’ll be better later…when I can end it so I’ll never have to feel pain again.’ Her mind then told her it was stupid, she tried to shut it up, she shook her head to get rid of the arguing emotions. She then held the knife with two hands, one covered in crimson blood, the other pale from the loss of it. She held it high above her head and closed her eyes.
Maybe when I’m really alone,
I’ll finally do what I’ve been told.
I’ll take my knife and hold it tight.
She took a deep breath, she then heard them, they were back, it was now or take more pain, she took another breath, she heard them come up the stairs, and she heard them shout her name. She started to panic, she had to do it now, or they’d find out, and she couldn’t find out or she wouldn’t be able to do it anymore.
She grasped the knife tighter, she felt her arms move slowly toward their target, and she started to feel another smile creep onto her face.
And push it deep with all my might.
She screamed as the knife entered her system, she heard her body scream in agony, she let out a shallow breath, she felt herself slip towards the ground, a satisfied smile on her face. The last things she heard were two things.
Her mother’s horrified scream and the words that echoed throughout her mind reminding her.
And push it deep with all my might.
*Anwen*
:huh: Well I never, that was pretty intense, I hope you enjoyed it, I was going for a captivating one-shot; tell me, did it captivate you? Or dya wanna phone the ppl in white coats on me:D
N yea, that poem was written by me, I’m not suicidal, I just write dark things...
Please tell me what you thought.
Luvz ya
Anwen
X
P.S- The ppl in white coats must never know :P
By Dakota, thx hun!
Just when I think I am alone,
My mind comes back to remind me,
That there’s really no such thing.
The only thing that will give me peace,
Is to take my knife and push it deep.
She was alone, alone, the word was sweet on her lips, and she wanted to be alone. Well she was the closest she could get to alone; her mind pestered her, reminded her of her troubles, and reminded her of the solution, but with no one around watching her, glaring at her, worrying about her. She could say what she wanted and no one would tell her she was wrong, she could think what she wanted and no one would think she was weird or disturbed. When she was alone…she could do what she wanted.
Her eyes shot to her dressing table, or more importantly her mirror, she climbed from her bed and walked towards it, she examined herself, her long brown hair was messy and fell into her eyes which were a hazel, but at the moment her eyes had a haunted look about them, as if she was already dead.
All I want is some time alone,
So I can dive into part of my mind unseen,
I need to explore feelings that have come amiss,
But something inside me wants me so take my knife and push it into the abyss.
She moved her mirror over slowly, as if this was a holy thing, behind it laid a shoe box, she placed the mirror where it was, she took her place in the middle of her floor on her dark matt, old stains were faded into the matt, people just thought she was messy, they had no idea who she was.
She slowly ran her fingers across the box’s lid and lifted it, she knew what was inside but a gasp escaped her, as her own escape lay inside. Inside the box lay a knife, it was a ceremonial knife; it had a black hilt with silver droplets which symbolized blood shed. Around the knife there were tissues, some were still white and clean, but others were covered in dry blood. She sighed in relief, she didn’t know why, but no one was home, she could do what she wanted to, and she could scream because no one would hear, she wouldn’t have to gag herself to keep her secret.
She slowly picked up the knife, she let a pale finger run across the metal, and she let a rare smile escape her lips as cold metal came into contact with her cold skin, she then took hold of the knife firmly in one hand, she brought up the sleeve of her sweater to see slashes in her wrists, some were faded and old, some were recent and there were still bits of dried blood on the scars.
She closed her eyes and brought the knife down, in one swipe her eyes shot open as she felt the skin slit, she could almost hear the cells in her blood scream in their agony, she smiled to herself as blood ran down her hands, onto her fingers, and then to drip onto the matt.
She repeated the motion, by the fifth slash she cried out in pain, her eyes raised to the ceiling. It hurt, but it felt so good, it made her feel how she wanted to feel, she wanted to feel this pain so she could get used to it, so she could get used to it so when she was hurt she wouldn’t be bothered by it. But as blood poured onto her floor, she thought of something, something bad, but something she’d longed for.
‘Why get used to the pain, why do this so I’ll be better later…when I can end it so I’ll never have to feel pain again.’ Her mind then told her it was stupid, she tried to shut it up, she shook her head to get rid of the arguing emotions. She then held the knife with two hands, one covered in crimson blood, the other pale from the loss of it. She held it high above her head and closed her eyes.
Maybe when I’m really alone,
I’ll finally do what I’ve been told.
I’ll take my knife and hold it tight.
She took a deep breath, she then heard them, they were back, it was now or take more pain, she took another breath, she heard them come up the stairs, and she heard them shout her name. She started to panic, she had to do it now, or they’d find out, and she couldn’t find out or she wouldn’t be able to do it anymore.
She grasped the knife tighter, she felt her arms move slowly toward their target, and she started to feel another smile creep onto her face.
And push it deep with all my might.
She screamed as the knife entered her system, she heard her body scream in agony, she let out a shallow breath, she felt herself slip towards the ground, a satisfied smile on her face. The last things she heard were two things.
Her mother’s horrified scream and the words that echoed throughout her mind reminding her.
And push it deep with all my might.
*Anwen*
:huh: Well I never, that was pretty intense, I hope you enjoyed it, I was going for a captivating one-shot; tell me, did it captivate you? Or dya wanna phone the ppl in white coats on me:D
N yea, that poem was written by me, I’m not suicidal, I just write dark things...
Please tell me what you thought.
Luvz ya
Anwen
X
P.S- The ppl in white coats must never know :P
By Dakota, thx hun!
Dakota - June 28, 2005 05:23 PM (GMT)
wow dude thats amazing, stop it tho coz it went thru me lol i can feel my wrists hurting and i can feel the skin splitting, aaha gte the images outta myhead, and i thought I was bad for horror,
oh n check ure inbox dude god it takes ages
luvs ya
Koti
oh n check ure inbox dude god it takes ages
luvs ya
Koti
September - August 28, 2005 10:17 PM (GMT)
Good God... :lol: Great!
Marzipan - September 10, 2005 07:10 PM (GMT)
I'm moving this to Drama. Silly of me to not have made that section earlier. The story was certainly captivating...it gave me chills.