PART 1

Captain John Pike

Captain John Pike’s focused eyes gazed steadily across the gently rolling sea. His massive hands gripped the railing tightly as he sailed his ship the Lunisstar. A smile of pleasure crossed his mouth as the brine-filled breeze lifted his bronze beard. The captain had been sailing for thirty years and took pleasure in the sights and sounds of his ship. Pike’s crew worked flawlessly around him maintaining the sails and performing the hundreds of small tasks necessary to make a ship run smoothly.
His bright, green eyes swept across the sea, spying for evil pirates. He was a privateer, a hired man to destroy what he once was; a pirate. He was paid by the king of Lunis, a man whose greed often overlooked his real responsibilities as a king. Though he was very rich, King Lucas III was a man who never had enough gold. He would often severely punish anyone who tossed just a bit of his beloved treasure. People often would say, ‘That gluttonous leader would behead ye even if ye only throws out just a wee little coin.’ Though Pike was careful around his gold, he did not really gave a hoot about his currency.
Pike squinted against the sun. Noontime. Pike called to his navigator, Eziel who was operating the wheel, ‘Ahoy, Eziel! Turn the wheel and head for the docks! We are done fer our shift!’
Eziel nodded in agreement. ‘Aye cap’n.’ Eziel grunted as he rotated the giant wheel counterclockwise and straight for Lunis’s docks. Pike roared up to Orrick. ‘Hey up there, Orrick! Draws out yer spyglass and keep n eye peeled fer any enemies far out at the rear!’ Pike’s order was confirmed with an ‘Aye cap’n!”
Satisfied with the arrangement with things, Pike looked out at Lunis. Even at afar distance, the city shone with pure magnitude, it was such a grand city. It wasn’t like where Pike was raised, on an old, rotting ship full of robbing, ruthless, savages called pirates. Beaten and whipped, Pike was always watched over. He was a slave. Yet, there was a man whose name was Matul. An old fellow, but with a warm heart, Matul had always took care of Pike as a father, counseling him and comforting him at times of great sorrow which happened frequently on the ship.
When the ship gave a small bump, the people on the docks immediately tied the ship to the docks, securing it so it wouldn’t drift away into the sea. Pike strode up to Tarnell, the man who taxed the ships for residing at the docks. Though Pike didn’t need to pay him, for he was a privateer hired by the king, Pike handed him a small bag that clicked of the sound, currency.
Tarnell, a long friend of Pike gave him a crooked smile. ‘Why, thank’e, Pike, you’ve always haded nice filled ups in yer hart!’
Pike patted him on the shoulder as he passed him, saying, ‘Your welcome, mate. Yeh have enough in there t’ fix up that boat of yers.’
Pike’s first mate Bearpaw, strolled alongside him as they both headed down the streets that were filled with wooden houses, markets, and overall jolly souls towards the great ‘Tower of Kings’.
Bearpaw grinned and queried, ‘Ready to visit the ‘Tower of Self-Indulgence’?’
Pike chuckled, answering, ‘Ready as ever, Bearpaw!”

wow, that was really beautifully written, what with your vocabulary and your use of alliteration.

there were a couple tiny mistakes, easily edited:

He was a privateer, a hired a man to destroy what he once was.

Do you mean he was a hired man? or hired to destroy a man? i'm not sure what you mean here.


It wasn’t like were Pike was raised, on an old, rotting ship full of robbing, ruthless, savages called pirates. Beat and whipped, Pike was always watched over.

It should be: I wasnt like WHERE Pike was raised, on an old, rotting ship full of robbing, ruthless savages called pirates. BEATEN and whipped, Pike was always watched. (not sure about the over)


Other than that, I cannot wait to read more!

Why, thank'e marm! I fixed the mistakes.

Haha, no problem... Uh... Cap'n! 'Ave youself a keg o' ale and OJ to avoid scurvy...

Lol okay that was quite a bad attempt at being pirate-y.

I say again, more!

While not a big fan of pirate novels, I do enjoy reading them from time to time. I would like to see how this one will develop as time goes on.
For one, you may want to go into the ship's features to build on what sort of person Pike is. For example, is his ship the ship he used when he was a pirate? Or is it a new one from the King?
Also, you don't need to say who he is talking to in the sentence before he says the person's name; it just seems a little redundant.

:D I think this is a good story. like legersem i am not a big fan of pirate stories either. But this is really good keep on writing more