I guess my story is PG-13 because of violence. :unsure:
Ok, my story is n't really that good. :unsure: Or so i think. ;) And my story is gonna be in parts. Only because a lot of it is still in my head.

Ok.
The Portal to Doreem

Its was morning. I sat on my bed and stared out of my bedroom window. It was a great day outside. There were birds hanging on to branches of trees that are part of a forest in my backyard. My parents always tell me and my sister not to go near the forest, but I don't know why, it did't matter to me anyway. The only problem was that my sister always played near the forest, she never got in trouble though. It was just when I went near the forest that my parents yelled and screamed at me. 'Cause of just being close to the forest I got grounded. I was stuck in my stupid room all day and my sister kept buggin' me! "Abby! Abby! Lets play something together! Please?" she would start, but I kept saying "No, Kady(Pronounced like Katie). Go play outside. Maybe by the forest you never get in trouble when you play by the forest! Only I get in trouble!" I shouted angrily. She stared at me with her big green eyes, about to cry. "*sniff* Why won't y-you play w-with me? Its not m-my fault Mommy and D-Daddy don't see me p-play by the f-forest!*sniff*" She sniffed again, but the tears kept coming. Kady ran downstairs wailing. It sounded like somebody had died. I could her my mom saying "Whats wrong, Kady? Did you cut yourself?" I heard Kady say that I yelled at her. It was all over now. Mom stomped up the stairs. "Abagail Lilith Hardgrove! Did you yell at your little sister?!" "Geez, Mom, whats with the full name?" "Abby!" "What?!" "*groan* Abby.... you didn't have to yell at your little sister, Ok?" "Mom, little kids exagerate! I didn't yell at her, I just told her to leave me alone. I didn't yell." "Shes only 7, Abby. You should know better than to be a bad example be going near the forest." "Uh.... Random enough?" "I'm just telling you that you shouldn't go near the forest, its setting a bad example for Kady." "I thought we were talking about me yelling at Kady?" "Stay on topic, Abby, don't try to change the subject." "Me?! You're the one who changed the subject" "We are NOT trying to start an argument" By then we had both raise our voices, and Kady was standing at the door. Her Brown pigtails hung at her side, she looked surprised. Immedidatly Mom and I stopped yelling. "Sorry, Mom" "Its all right...." Kady cleared her throught. "Um.... Mommy can you make me a sandwich?" "Sure, Kady." I was glad when they both left. I closed my door and sighed. My conversations with my mom usually ended like that. I walked over to my bedroom mirror and looked at myself. Somehow, and I didn't think it was possible, I didn't look like myself. I couldn't really bring myself to realize what it was. I looked closer and saw it. My eyes had changed from the Emerald Green they had been before, into a Brown Green and Gold mix. And I didn't know why.

Ok. I hope you like the first part so far, :lol: Just tell me if i need to change something. :( or if something just isn't understandable. :huh:

okay, since i dont know what the story is about so far, i can't really criticise you, but uh, if you want to be a better writer, obviously you need criticism, so don think just because it's your firststory people should go easy on you, because otherwise you can't truly improve.

first of all, you really need to stay on format for a real story. eg: dialogue should be in it's own paragraph like this:

"hi." I said.

"Hello there," she replied. "blahblah."

not like this:

ause of just being close to the forest I got grounded. I was stuck in my stupid room all day and my sister kept buggin' me! "Abby! Abby! Lets play something together! Please?" she would start,

this makes it hard to read and it looks unprofessional.

secondly, please don't put in things like *groan* in a story. this is meant for email or IM-ing, NOT a story.


"I sat on my bed and stared out of my bedroom window."

this sounds really redundant. should be "I sat on my bed and stared out the window." or something like that, just don't say bed twice.


and don't capitalise unnecessarily. also, have punctuation "into a Brown Green and Gold mix." should be "into a brown, green and gold mix."

This line makes no sense. "Maybe by the forest you never get in trouble when you play by the forest!" it really doesn't. at all...


okay so im about done. keep writing and you'll improve, alot of people start out worse, so don't worry, and good luck!

The Portal to Doreem (edited)

Its was morning. I sat on my bed and stared out the window. It was a great day outside. There were birds hanging on to branches of trees that are part of a forest in my backyard. My parents always tell me and my sister not to go near the forest, but I don't know why, it did't matter to me anyway. The only problem was that my sister always played near the forest, she never got in trouble though. It was just when I went near the forest that my parents yelled and screamed at me. 'Cause of just being close to the forest I got grounded. I was stuck in my stupid room all day and my sister kept buggin' me!

"Abby! Abby! Lets play something together! Please?" she would start,

but I kept saying "No, Kady(Pronounced like Katie). Go play outside. Maybe if you played by the forest you never get in trouble. Only I get in trouble." I stated angrily.

She stared at me with her big green eyes, about to cry.

"Why won't y-you play w-with me? Its not m-my fault Mommy and D-Daddy don't see me p-play by the f-forest!*sniff*"

She sniffed again, but the tears kept coming. Kady ran downstairs wailing. It sounded like somebody had died.

I could her my mom saying "Whats wrong, Kady? Did you get hurt?"

I heard Kady say that I yelled at her. It was all over now. Mom stomped up the stairs.

"Abagail Hardgrove! Did you yell at your little sister?!"

"Geez, Mom, whats with the full name?"

"Abby!"

"What?!"

"Abby.... you didn't have to yell at your little sister, Ok?"

"Mom, little kids exagerate! I didn't yell at her, I just told her to leave me alone. I didn't yell."

"Shes only 7, Abby. You should know better than to be a bad example be going near the forest."

"I thought we were talking about yelling!"

"I'm just telling you that you shouldn't go near the forest, its setting a bad example for Kady."

"I thought we were talking about me yelling at Kady?"

"Stay on topic, Abby, don't try to change the subject."

"Me?! You're the one who changed the subject"

"We are NOT trying to start an argument" By then we had both raise our voices, and Kady was standing at the door. Her Brown pigtails hung at her side, she looked surprised. Immedidatly Mom and I stopped yelling.

"Sorry, Mom"

"Its all right...."

Kady cleared her throught. "Um.... Mommy can you make me a sandwich?"

"Sure, Kady." I was glad when they both left. I closed my door and sighed. My conversations with my mom usually ended like that. I walked over to my bedroom mirror and looked at myself. Somehow, and I didn't think it was possible, I didn't look like myself. I couldn't really bring myself to realize what it was. I looked closer and saw it......

(i'm taking out the last ine because i don't think it really make sence or goes with my story line...) I hope its a little better now.

loads better. continue!

(Continuing the story)
.... Something was happening to me..... I felt stronger and my eyes had a goldish tint to them.... Then I was normal again. I didn't know what had happened. Or why I changed so suddenly.

"Abby, could you come her?"

"K, Mom"

Oh well. It didn't matter that much to me. Maybe I halucinated. Who knew. I stepped out of my room and started to tromp down the stairs, when something caught my eye. I swerved around, I thought I had seen something... I thought I had seen my Grandma.... That would have been immpossible, 'cause she had died last month. But I was so sure I had seen something.

"Abby?"

"Coming, Mom"......


:) :) :) (the three smilies just indicates that I'm going to a few hours later. The time is Midnight..)....

I'll Post more later! :P

okay, waiting for more, check your spelling!

(Midnight)
Where am I? I asked myself. I seemed to be somewhere in a forest, Surrounded by trees with the moon shining down. Then I heard something.

"Abby! Abby! Where are you?! I can't see through the fog! Abby, I hear them they're coming..... Abby they're getting closer!.... AHHHHHH!" I heard a little voice shout...

"Whos there, and whos coming? I don't see anything at all....." There was no one there, and whatever fog they couldn't see through, I couldn't see.

"Abby help me!" The little voice cried again.

"Where are you? WHO are you?"

This time the voice didn't reply, but in its place was errie silence. I suddenly felt cold, like a ghost had gone through me! Then My Grandma was there, staing at me, and she was ghost like and spirity...

"Gr- Grandma?!" I asked surprised.

"Yes, Abby dear, it's me."

"How...But... This doesn't make sense..."

"It doesn't have to."

"Where are we?"

"Doreem."

"The place from the stories you told when I was little? Yeah Right!"

"It's true. I thought you of all people would belive."

"Its kinda unbelivable."

"Is it, or is it that you just don't want to belive?"

"Um......."

She sighed. "Abby, it is true. You must belive that it is true."

"Maybe it is true. But so what? Its not like I know how I got here."

"I summoned you here, mentally not physically."

"Why?"

"Because Doreem needs you, and I need to show you the way there."

"Why does Doreem need ME?"

"Because recently a Great Evil has spread across the land and taken power."

"Still doesn't explain why it has to be ME."

"Because you are now the only living heir to the... er.... a force that is against the Great Evil.... I was fighting with it when I died."

"What about Dad? Hes your son."

"He is too old to do it now. If he had been a boy at this time, he would be the heir. Alas, you would have to have lots of strength and power to be the heir.... I'm running out of time! Abby, I must tell you how to get here!"

"Ok....."

"First you must go into the forest, then you must find the cottage. If you find the cottage you will find the portal." She pressed a key into my hand. "Leave right away, Abby. And don't let anyone see you!....... Goodbye my dear!"

"But... Wait!"
Then I woke up. Was it all a dream? The moon outside shined through the window. It looked late. I thought it must have been a dream. I opened up my hand and there was the key! It couldn't have been a dream! But Grandma hadn't told me what the key went to. But it looked awfully familiar. It looked almost like... No it couldn't be....Or could it...

Ok, I posted a little more! :) I'll post a little more later! Oh don't you love suspence?(if you could call that suspence)

(ok since I can't double post i'll post the next part here)

It had to be! there was no other explanation! It looked exactly like it! But where was it? I hadn't taken it out in years. I dropped the key on my bedroom floor and kneeled down to look under my bed, there was lots of junk and it was hard to find anything under there.

"Where is it?!" I said a bit too loudly

"Whoops" I quieted down to a whisper. I tried to remember where I had last had it. I thought about when it had been first given to me......

***(flash back) I had been about 7...
"Abby dear, come over here!"

"Yeah Grandma?"

"Look at this beautiful box. Do you think its pretty?"

"I guess so."

"Here, I'll let you have it."

"Uh... thanks" I remembered that I really had felt happy on the inside, I just couldn't show it on the outside.

"Um.. Grandma?"

"Yes?"

"It won't open."

Grandma gave me a big smile, "You'll learn how to open it in time."

I was upset, I wanted to know what was inside the box.

"Oh, come on Abby... Don't be so distraught! You should be happy you are getting something, you could have gotten nothing you know!"

"Sorry...." I remembered running up to me room and looking over it thourghly. I was trying to find something that would open it, a button or anything. The only thing was a keyhole but no key. Annoyed and frustrated I threw it in the back of my closet and hadn’t taken it out since....

Well Done! i love it i want to keep reading it! post post post!
lol seriously though good story :P :D :lol: