You might not like reading, but please read, and tell me what you think!!!


As she started her BMW 5 Series, Amiah Blare could have never imagined the love triangle that she would entangle herself in. Amiah was an attractive eighteen year old girl, with short brown curly hair, silky smooth tanned skin and sparkling hazel eyes. She lived in the high class community of Atherton, California where her father worked as a top notch cosmetic surgeon and her mother was the most triumphant lawyer in town; she also owned her own business magazine. Born into this family, Amiah was very privileged. She didn’t want for anything and everything she wanted, she got it, but one boy would put a hold on everything.
“Hey Lena.” “Hey Amiah, how was your date last night?” Lena asked. Lena was Amiah’s best friend, he parents were divorced, and she lived with her father, whom worked side by side with Amiah’s father as a surgeon. “That date was horrible; he spilled his drink all over my Coach shoes.” Lena laughed hysterically. Amiah joined in.
Later that day as Amiah returned home from school, she noticed her older brother Anthony talking to a boy and his father moving in just next door. Anthony was 21, he had an athletic build; his hair was curly since their mother was Italian. He preferred to keep the fact that he had money a secret; he just wanted people to be fascinated with him, not his money. Observing the conversation of the new neighbors and her brother from afar, she decided to go and introduce herself.
As she approached, she felt a certain urge to withhold information that just two seconds ago she wanted to share, but she didn’t. “Hi I’m Amiah, Anthony’s sister.” Pleased that Amiah was kind enough to introduce herself the neighbors spoke up. ‘Hi I’m Tony, and this is my son Brian.” Brian was gorgeous, his teeth were pearly white, his hair was brown and curly. His height made Amiah feel even shorter. She thought he must be at least 6’3. He was about a foot taller than Amiah, and he stared at her intensely. “Well Brian the summer starts tomorrow, are you looking forward to it?” Amiah asked. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I am,” he replied. “Amiah, how about you show Brian around tomorrow,” Anthony proposed. “Anything you say big brother!” Amiah always called him that. She looked to him as being her father figure, because their actual father was never around; he was always busy with work.
That night as Amiah slept, she had not one worry in the world, but she would have many to come.

How was it?

Very intriguing! Though, when you're writing dialogue, you should start a new paragraph when someone else starts speaking. It's easier to understand who's talking that way. Other than that, I think it was great!

Thanks, I guess you learn something new everyday. Glad you liked it though!

The story's great, except for the thing with the dialogue pointed out earlier, and that first sentence. Amiah starts the car in the first paragraph, but nothing about the car or actually going anywhere is mentioned later...

Anywho, I think this will make a great story...I'm off to read Chapter 2 now.