Hi, I'm new here but I'm working on a story/novel whatever you want to call it.... I've had a heck of trouble with the first chapter, so I'm gonna post it here and I'm asking for any sort of suggestion or comments about it. I'm really open to anything, my second chapter is 100 times better, I had a terrible time starting my story, so I am just looking for some sort of starting point where I can fix a bunch of stuff with it. Any sort of comments are fine, really if you want you could tell me you hate it, I won't care!
I guess I didn't really know where to put my story under... there is some romance in it, but it is also meant to be humorous, your average chick story, I guess. Right now I'm keeping it PG rated but if I post chapter 2 i believe there is one small cuss word. The indentations didn't work when I pasted it but I think you can mostly tell where there is a new paragraph. Anyways, here it is:
When I was little, my mom would tuck me in every night and ask how my day was. "Oh, it was okay," I would sigh only halfway satisfied, just to amuse her. Then Mom would brush my long, auburn hair and tell me, "Well, Julia, I don't know if you'll ever be satisfied with your day, but I can tell you right now that someday that will all change. There is not a single person on this earth who has lived a completely boring life. One day, something exciting will happen to you, and you will never again be able to sigh that way you did tonight, and say your life is just okay."
Then I'd ask mom, "When? Mommy, when will my life be exciting?" Mom would kiss the top of my forehead and whisper in my ear, "Soon, Julia. Very soon."
Well, no offense to Mom, but I had been alive nearly 15 years- 15 long, boring
years, and nothing exciting had ever happened. The fact that I would jump up and down with happiness on the second day of school- yes, second- was reason enough to prove my life had never been very dramatic. Mom had been wrong when she told me my life would one day be exciting... she had been wrong for 14 years, nearly 15. But last January, everything began to change. For the good, yes, but also for the bad. Either way, after that year, I can never again even consider that my mom would lie to me.
Here at George Clooney Junior High School (yes, it really is George Clooney High School... a painful thing for any student to admit. A few years ago, it was George Washington, a prosperous and populous junior high school in the middle of nowhere. But our insane principal decided, with our declining number of students in attendance every year, if our school seemed more- and I quote- "pop culture-ish," it could attract more people. Thus, just last year, George Washington was replaced with George Clooney), I am what you could consider a drama queen. It's not like I can help it, though. I mean, our school was built on top of a cornfield in the middle of Nebraska, home of "arbor day. (whoo-hoo!)" If I'm going to be forced into living in a town with not a single broadway showing in the history of the world, I must find some way to amuse myself. Plus, our school is completely loaded with athletes. There is only any sort of play or musical once or twice a year, and it is usually for the community theater, which rarely puts on plays that include younger characters. It is my ambition and initiative to play Christine in the lovely Phantom of the Opera in New York within the next 15 years, but however will this be achieved if I am residing in Nebraska?
Of course, I have other worries, too. As a teenage drama queen, I am not just accustomed to being worried about my career ahead of me. I mean, what would happen to my life if I never get asked out? Nobody has ever even looked at me. Or, of course, what will become of me if I fail P.E.? I can't help it that Coach Bartley has something against me, the non softball player I am. Maybe most people haven't seen that. Maybe most people at my school don't realize that just because I usually talk of acting, I have other loves, too. Maybe they don't realize that just because I talk nonstop, I can have painful feelings that are bad enough to get me to shut up for the rest of my life. Maybe they don't realize that. Sometimes I don't even think Sam or Kelsi know the true me, the part of me that is as 9th grader-ish as they are.
All last January I was like that-- having enough teenage worries to last a lifetime. Okay, so some of my worries that month were geared toward the whole musical-coming-up thing, but winter was here, and the more couples I saw huddling in all the coffee-shops downtown, the worse I felt. I tried to turn my attention away to other things, but nothing could distract me. One morning I felt particulary lazy. I was laying in bed, and had been for a couple of hours, reflecting on my boring, awful life. It was a Saturday, so I planned to sleep all day before hitting the homework. No such luck, because right then the phone rang. How I hated that phone. The ring was the most obnoxious thing that you could ever imagine, and when it went off, it pierced my entire bedroom like a blanket of thorns. I couldn't very well turn the ring off; my phone was like the connection to my whole life. And being the 10-year-old phone it was, it didn't blink or do anything else but ring when a call was coming through. I groaned and rolled over in my bead. Rrrring! "Nooooo!" I said out loud, to no one in particular (perhaps it was to Boxer the Boxer). Rrrrrring! Well, I guess it wasn't going to stop ringing. I picked it up. "Hello?" I said drowsily, adding an extra effect of sleepiness to my voice, hoping that whoever was on the line would feel sorry for me and hang up right away.
"Julia, I know that trick. You're not fooling me." It was Kelsi. Peppy, excited, never tired, Kelsi.
With no response from me, Kelsi continued. "Okay, Julia. What do you want to do today? It sounds like a great day to go get ice cream, wouldn't you agree?"
"Kelsi!" I rolled my eyes in disgust. "Look out the window. The wind chill is 10 below, and it is blizzarding out there like none other. You want ice cream? Go outside, make a snowball, and top it off with a marachino cherry."
"Oh, come on, Julia!" Kelsi persisted. She never gave up. "We could get some hagen-daz at the mall, I'll pay even."
"Tell you what, Kelsi?" I bargained. "If we don't get into an accident from all the snow on the way over there, I'll pay," I said, then hung up.
So I did end up paying (lucky girl), but then, as we strolled through the mall, Kelsi brought an interesting subject up.
"You know the musical coming up?"
"What musical?" I asked, completely clueless as to what was going on.
"Julia, don't tell me you've forgotten that the junior high school is doing a musical this winter? They do one every other year! Remember, this Christmas you said you were going to be the star of the show. Of course I have no doubt you will be the main character, but you might want to start preparing for your audition. They're Monday."
Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!! The ice cream I had just tasted nearly came right out of my ears. I had completely forgotten about the musical. My head started spinning. "Monday? That isn't enough time! What are we supposed to do for the audition? What is the musical even about? It's not My Fair Lady, is it?" I babbled to Kelsi.
"Jeez, Julia, maybe I should have called you earlier about this. Calm down, I have a script you can practice lines off of. You just have to learn one piece of music."
After that, I insisted that we cut our ice-cream-at-the-mall outing short. I knew I could pull of a great audition, even with only 2 days of prep. Still, all the same, any sort of play that came around in Empire City (or as I call it, Deserted City) was, like, a miracle. We never had any sort of entertainment, and no opportunity to perform for the public. Call me crazy for looking forward to a corny, probably badly done junior high musical, but Empire City had nothing else to offer.
It turns out the musical we were doing, 7th Heaven? was written by a former Empire City student Clark Nelson. 7th Heaven? is about a high school girl, Katherine, who has just moved to a new school her senior year. Katherine's parents have kind of led the 7th Heaven (the TV show) life of parenting... her dad is a pastor. He always tries to peacefully teach virtues to his 5 kids, but in the end, has become too overprotective of them. Katherine is especially seeing this change taken out on her, the second oldest kid, since her oldest brother, Tom, has recently divorced and dropped out of college and become a burden on the rest of the family. Basically, the whole show is about Katherine's struggle to fit in at her final year of high school, while trying to manage her overprotective parents. In the end of course, Katherine's parents ease up, she gets the guy she wanted all along, and everyone is happy.
I was happy, too, of course, that such a musical was going to be performed. Although there were many supporting roles, there was really one big main character, Katherine, played by me, of course. I could already see myself up on stage, taking my bows on opening night, as the crowd gave me a standing ovation for my big, powerful voice and fresh character. Infact, I walked into the audition that Monday with every bit of confidence I had ever had. I was born to play Katherine. Clark Nelson must've known me from something before he graduated; I was almost sure that Katherine existed because of me.
For our audition, we were supposed to have chosen a song from 7th Heaven? to sing by memory. I guess the musical must've been a spoof of a sort, or else Clark Nelson couldn't find a composer for the music, because the entire musical consisted of compiliations from other popular musicals... ranging from Les Miserables to Oklahoma! We were auditioning in the auditorium at our school, which wasn't a bit of a rip-off at all-- the auditorium was in the middle of the school, and had wonderful acoustics. With the doors open, I knew everyone would be able to hear me; at least there was one good thing about going to school here.
"Okay, Julia, whenever you are ready, go ahead and cue Mrs. Masterson in for the accompaniement," Mr. Smitt told me. I took a deep breath. This is it. This is my chance to prove that I can be big. Don't screw it up. Just show 'em all. You got it in you, you really do. Then, the music began.
I chose "N.Y.C." From Annie. Or, I guess, from 7th Heaven? Either way, I had always loved that song, and to show off my talent, I had to find a song with pure brilliance.
Brother, you know you're in NYC
To busy, too crazy
Too hot, too cold
Too late, I'm sold
Again, on NYC.
I mastered every note there was; every word I spoke was pure and perfect. I sang with determination and passion in my voice that showed not just a wonderful singer, but a great actress. As I ended my song, I knew I had just stolen the lead. Katherine, I'm coming! Out in the audience, the other auditioners stared at me. They knew it, too. They knew I had stolen the lead from every girls' heart.