Behind closed bars
Prologue
1942. A dark year for Britain, with the war not going very well and constant raids from enemies which now surrounded them. And of course the Americans refusing to help them, of course we know it would be a few months before they would help. It was summer yet it was surprising the sun was out at all with the moral so low and of course the destination didn’t spark much happiness either.
Our destination was a Women’s Prison in southern England. It was in the countryside near Lancaster. It was one of the largest Women’s prison’s in Britain, it had criminals from all over, London, Birmingham, Manchester, even different places like Wales and Scotland who could use their own Prison’s but their was something different about this Prison, it took the cruelest criminals, and not many women were released, which local people mostly ignored. I mean they were criminals…who could care if the murderesses and thieves got out?
She walked along the passages, her footsteps echoed from the cold stone floor to the cold stone walls, the officer led her through the labyrinth that was this prison, the ground began to slop up slightly and a door of bars greeted her and her escorts. She sighed, she was going to have to get used to bars. It swung open with a creak, and as she stepped through she could see inmates all peer from out of their dark cells.
“Well darling…welcome to the little league of Prison.” Her escort sneered. “Obviously you don’t belong in here you do…”
She didn’t reply
She walked through the vast hall, shouts and laughter echoed throughout the vast room. Spiral staircases lined the sides, iron platforms ran along the walls, and many doors of black iron were visible. The girl looked up to see guards walking up and down the walkways, guns in holsters, clubs in hand, some sneered down at her, and some talked to prisoners in their cells.
“Here you have your thieves, frauds and other low lives. Most of these haven’t killed anyone out of fear, well maybe one has.” He gestured to one of the cells along the side, somewhere further up, she let her gaze travel upwards to take a look at the supposed murderess. It would be her first of many of course.
The woman looked at Serena; there was a certain pity in her grey eyes. The woman had pale skin, with freckles dotted on her nose; she had bright red hair that went down to her shoulders. Serena noticed she was holding a small pen which she was using to draw images on her arm. Even from the distance they looked beautiful.
She looked down at herself, and an ugly full body suit glared up at her, numbers were printed in her breast. This was her uniform for the next twenty or so years. Depending on behavior. She looked into the cell that her escort had pointed out to her; the girl looked around her own age, her dark skin matched her equally dark eyes that stared out to her silently, as if wishing her luck, her dark arms were crossed in front of her as she sat against the wall of her cell, her long black hair spilling onto her shoulders and down her non visible back.
Maybe you should learn more about this girl. Her name was Serena Alba. She was nineteen years old. She had an interesting story to tell about herself, which will all be explained in good time. But Serena herself was a tall girl, with curves which attracted many looks; she had long thick brown hair that at the moment was tied back in a simple pony tail, her hair swayed with her every moment. Looking at the ground intently were two green orbs, they showed every emotion the girl would feel, a day where they were empty of emotion was a dark day for the world. Her tanned skin was visible on her face but covered by the ugly uniform. Anyone looking at her could see she was foreign.
She was led through the vast room and out again, she sighed in relief. She was led up a few more corridors until they stopped abruptly, she looked up to see a desk with a bored looking secretary who looked pretty relaxed, and she flashed a grin at Serena as she entered. The woman had a dark bob that stopped neatly at her chin; slightly tanned skin was covered in a shirt blouse with a small scarf around her neck, her eye make-up made her pale green eyes stand out. The secretary then winked at her escort and disappeared into the grey door next to her which read:
WARDEN.
But Serena didn’t know what the letters meant, she spoke English, more proper than many she had met actually, but she was never taught the read it. The only reason she could speak was because of her Mother had been born here and spent her youth in Britain…before the war. She stood there a moment before her escort chuckled softly.
“Don’t worry darling, the Warden likes pretty girls.” He said as he smirked at her, she felt his eyes travel up and down her body, her face flushed slightly. She hated this attention. She looked down at herself; her uniform wasn’t helping much by clinging off her frame. She should’ve known they wouldn’t give her the right size, of course they wouldn’t, and it had been the man in front of her was the one giving it to her.
Suddenly the grey door opened without a sound and a large man entered the room, the secretary quickly exited behind him and took a seat at her desk again. But everything grew some how quieter, even though there hadn’t been any sound to begin with. The man was tall and well built; he was about a head taller than Serena. He wore a suit; Serena noticed he still wore an officer’s belt though on his slim waist, it held various items a prison worker should have. His face was cold and emotionless, as were his eyes, they were a piercing grey colour that almost blended with his pale skin, his brown hair was slicked to his head, making his facial features stick out more, he looked skeletal yet strong, his broad body was standing tall and straight, shouting authority even in the silence that greeted him.
“Alba.” He said suddenly, making her name sound dark and sinister. “In” She moved forward to follow the Warden into the office, jumping slightly when her escort grabbed at her backside, she whirled around glaring; he wore a smug smirk on his pale features.
“See you later Darling.” He sneered winking at her.
She entered the office, it was full of shadows thanks to the dark blinds blocking out the sunlight, the office was very simple, with only a desk, a grand looking chair and a few filing cabinets filled the room, it was a cold looking room, but looking at its occupant, she wasn’t surprised. The warden sat down looking impressive in his chair; his eyes also traveled up and down Serena, making her feel edgy once more. He then fished out a folder from his drawer and looked through it quickly.
“Serena Alba…19…Italy…illegal Immigrant.” He stated, she nodded shamefully, he didn’t know the full story; the jury didn’t believe her…why would he. “One count of murder and of course smuggling yourself into the country. I bet you’re regretting it now.” She kept silent in her seat, her hands twitched in her lap, so she stared at them, they being the only movement in the darkened room. The Warden then closed her file and she looked up to see him smirking slightly.
“You’ll be on Row 3, it keep most of our murderers there, I’m sure you’ll love it,” his voice was a cold drawl, a smug smile on his thin face. “You’ll have a roommate, Gwen Molloy. You’ll be escorted to your cell. Got anything to say before you start your sentence?” His voice gave her unpleasant shivers, it was as if everything he said to her was patronizing her, or insulting her. She swallowed her fear of this man and drew herself in her seat.
“I want to you to know that I am innocent, no matter what your courts of so called Justice have to say on the matter, they were not at the scene of the crime, and so had no right to choose this fate for me.” She watched the Warden’s expression carefully; it didn’t change during her speech, her gaze flickered to her hands for a single second, but that was all the Warden needed. A large hand struck her cheek and she flew from her chair in a blur, she slid across the slick floor and bumped into some filing cabinets. She looked up at the warden dumbstruck; he was standing now, a frown gracing his hard features. He took a few steps towards her; she scrambled away and clung to the wall to drag herself up. He chuckled softly.
“You’re in my prison now girl and here’s the thing you need to learn about this prison, it locks up criminal women, that’s you. And it is run by a majority of criminal men, that’s me. Now that you’ve been assigned to this prison, you’ll be lucky to get out at all. Well, I’m not going to give away the surprises; I’ll let the other criminals tell you.” Serena rubbed her cheek, wincing slightly; she gathered her wits together before talking again.
“And who should I ask? The prisoners…or the guards?” Warden Carr laughed cruelly.
“I’ll let you off for this time; the guards are going to have fun with you my dear. You’ll have more to worry about than the men you murdered.”
Serena felt herself shrink back into the wall, she felt fear of this man well up inside her, his piercing eyes were cutting into her, her green eyes were filled with fear and it overjoyed him to see it so freely. The door then opened and the guard led her back outside, that same arrogant smirk playing on his lips. She followed, trying to calm herself down. She had a long sentence here…and it had to be served with that horrible man deciding whether he should release her at all…he could keep her in this cold place forever. She felt tears come into her eyes, she blinked them out furiously, she was in prison, she couldn’t cry here, they’d eat her alive if they figured out she was weak…which she was.
Her guard stopped and unlocked another door ahead of them, he led her through and they came out into a vast warehouse like hall, like the one before, only this one seemed louder, colder and more importantly, more…criminal. It quieted a little as her prison mates studied her, even from here she could hear voices.
“She’s to pretty for this place.”
“She en’t leaving anytime soon.”
“Aw…I always feel sorry for the new ones…kind of.”
Serena tried to block the voices out by keeping her head down, but it was hard when she felt many gazes on her and her alone. She followed her guard, she saw him to go the left and up a spiral staircase, she carried on up after him, hearing voices and talking behind her. They came to the fourth floor and he led her down the walkway, and she got a view of the cells. They were plain, but were personalized by each occupant. The walls were grey, each having two beds; a desk, a toilet by the door, but most of the cells had put up sheets, or made makeshift walls to block them from view. She looked ahead and saw a pitch black cell, she prayed to anyone that would listen hoping that wasn’t her cell, but as it came nearer she guessed that fate wasn’t going to be kind today.
The guard stopped outside the cell and pulled out a key, he jammed it into the lock and twisted it forcefully, a click echoed and the door opened slightly, the guard turned to her that stupid smirk still playing on his pale lips, his icy blue eyes gleaming, he pulled back his brown hair and sighed in a patronizing manner.
“Well, here’s your new home, as much as I like you darling…you’re roommate liked not sharing a cell…so I’m sure you’ll have fun.” There was a snigger from the cell next to it.
“Good luck kid, the girl’s a bitch.” Serena gulped heavily and stepped inside, the guard handed her a large bag, which held her few personal belongings. He then shut the door with a resounding clang and a twist of the key locked her in and Serena winced as she stared into the darkness that seemed a lot like her future…uncertain.
And that's the start! I'd really appreciate comments and opinions, critisisms, whatever! I just need help!
I hope you enjoyed the first installment
NO STEALING!
X
| QUOTE (Anwen @ Jun 30 2006, 02:13 PM) |
It was one of the largest Women’s prison’s in Britain, it had criminals from all over, London, Birmingham, Manchester, even different places like Wales and Scotland who could use their own Prison’s but their was something different about this Prison, it took the cruelest criminals, and not many women were released, which local people mostly ignored. I mean they were criminals…who could care if the murderesses and thieves got out?
“Obviously you don’t belong in here you do…”
Most of these haven’t killed anyone out of fear, well maybe one has.” He gestured to one of the cells along the side, somewhere further up, she let her gaze travel upwards to take a look at the supposed murderess. It would be her first of many of course.
She looked into the cell that her escort had pointed out to her; the girl looked around her own age, her dark skin matched her equally dark eyes that stared out to her silently, as if wishing her luck, her dark arms were crossed in front of her as she sat against the wall of her cell, her long black hair spilling onto her shoulders and down her non visible back.
Maybe you should learn more about this girl.
|
I thought, as a whole it wsa really good. But here are my few critisim-type-things.
Blue: The first sentence could have used parentheses instead of comas, because the comas made it a little confusing. Also the last sentence didn't make sense.
Red: I think you ment "Do you?" instead of "You do"
Green: The first to paragraphs were confusing because they explain one supposed murderess as if she were in the cell the escort had pointed to, then go on to describe the girl in the cell the escort had pointed to. You should do them one at a time. Like describe one girl, then say, "she looked around and saw [instert description of other girl here]" or something. Also the part where it says, "Maybe you should learn more about this girl" makes it seem like you're going to talk about the girl in the cell, not the new prisoner. So, just make that part a little clearer.
Okay, there's my advice, it's really some great writing, and I can't wait to see the finished product!