ok i couldn't fit the whole title so here is the real name of my story::

EVEN A HAPPY LIFE CANNOT BE WITHOUT A MEASURE OF DARKNESS

this story is rated r because it contains::
-violence [in the form of abuse]
-sex [in the form of abuse]
-language

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PROLOGUE

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness
- Carl Jung

My name is Jacquelyn Ryan. I’m sixteen and I live in New York City. My life began to fall apart when I was eight and has continued to fall apart ever since. I don’t remember the last time that I was happy, and my mother Melissa Ryan helps make my life a living hell. Every time I think I find happiness, I’m wrong and I feel my happiness slowly begin to perish.



CHAPTER ONE

Right now, if you were to walk up to me on the street, would you really see me? Would you stop and say hi to me, or would you just keep walking? Would you be scared of me? Would you be scared to come closer to me, to look into my eyes? That’s how most people are around me. They take one look at me and then quickly walk away. Why are they like this? Because I’m different than most people, and people know that when they look at me. I don’t wear nice clothes, I don’t have a warm smile, and I’m poor. I scrounge the streets by day, and sleep near garbage cans at night. I don’t live a glamorous life. It wasn’t always like this, I wasn’t always sad, but it feels like I was.

I used to live in a big house in the country with my parents and my big sister Julie. Dad worked as a lawyer, and was usually never around, but we always had movie night. That was the only night when we’d all sit down together as a family. We lived on the countryside with enough land to build twenty houses. I remember sitting down on my porch and staring off into the distance while sipping my ice cold lemonade with Julie. We spent a lot of time together, me and her, and for a while I thought she did this because she really enjoyed spending time with me, but then I began to realize that that wasn’t the real reason. There was a story that had been locked away for quite some time. It had been hidden from me, because everyone thought that I was too young to know, but I eventually found out.

shall i continue?

wow, great! powerful and engaging, PLEASE CONTINUE!

thanks l0l!!

Julie only spent time with me, because she didn’t want me to see what was really going on. Dad was never home for a reason, and not just because of his job. Linda. I still remember mom screaming her name in the middle of a cold rainy night. I sat down on the top step, and listened to mom and dad’s arguing. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know why mom and dad were arguing. I was only four. Julie came over and took my hand and pulled me into her room. She told me that if I wanted, I could sleep with her that night. I did.

This went on for the whole summer. Julie knew that I was too young to be around when all this went on, so she’d take me out to the park, or we’d go out to the mall, anything to get away from mom and dad’s arguing. I could tell that Julie was getting tired of spending time with me, tired of mom and dad’s constant fighting, and tired of having no life.

Everything changed in November. Mom and dad stopped fighting, and our house was finally at peace. Julie’s sixteenth birthday was slowly approaching, and mom and dad had promised her a huge party. On her sixteenth birthday everything was supposed to be perfect, but it wasn’t. Mom and dad had gotten into a huge fight right in front of Julie’s friends. Julie had been devastated, and she had gone off with her friends. Mom and dad hadn’t noticed. They were too busy fighting. I ran out back and sat on the porch. Mom and dad’s arguing haunted me, I could hear them screaming at each other. I wanted to know why they were doing this to me and Julie. This was supposed to be a happy day, but it wasn’t. Why were they fighting again?

It had gotten late, and no one had fed me, so I went inside and grabbed some chips and sat down at the kitchen table. I didn’t know how to tell time, but I knew that it was late. Where was Julie? I could still hear mom and dad fighting outside. I wanted to go ask them if they knew where she was, but I couldn’t, because I was too scared. I went over to the couch and sat down. I rested my head against the pillow and fell asleep to mom and dad’s bickering.

MORE MORE

The next morning I woke up to find that Julie had never came home last night. I walked into the kitchen to find mom sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands, and dad standing up looking out the window. It was as if they were both in a trance. There were pictures of Julie spread across the table. I didn’t know what was going on. Why was everyone sad? Should I be sad too? Mom took her head out of her hands. Her mascara ran all down her face, and her eyes had huge circles under them. I asked what was wrong. At first mom hesitated, and she made pretend not to hear me. She picked up a picture of Julie from her eighth birthday. I could tell that she wanted to cry, but not in front of me. She batted her tears back, and then looked up at me. She told me that Julie was never coming home, and when I asked why, she broke out crying.

Without Julie, life seemed pointless. It felt like there was a huge hole in my heart, and that it would never heal. After mom had told me what had happened, how Julie and her friends had gone to a bar and had gotten drunk. How they had gotten into a car crash, and how the tractor trailer had murdered all of them. I immediately ran up to the top step, and sat down, crying. This time, there was no one there to comfort me, no one there to take my hand, no one there to wipe away my tears. There was no more Julie.

Before, mom was so much fun, she was the one that would sneak some ice cream up to me after I had gotten in trouble with dad. She was the one who would play with me when Julie went away to camp each summer. She was the one who would always make me laugh when I was sad, but mom had changed. Dad had always been the one who was strict, and wasn’t usually around for any big events in me and Julie’s life. He was usually busy working, but he’d always do something big to make it up to us. Dad had changed. I remember the last day that mom, dad, and I spent together. I remember when I was ten, we all decided to go to the Bronx Zoo, because I had never been to a zoo before. We were getting ready to leave, and dad had said that he had to go the bathroom. We waited for him for hours. He never came back.

omg sad more

Mom and I had to take a taxi all the way home, which was very expensive, considering the fact that we lived in upstate New York. Mom wasn’t the same after dad left. She had lost her family, and all she had left was me. She didn’t really care about anything anymore, and she would look like a mess each morning when she walked out of the house. Mom had trouble supporting me after dad left, so when I turned fourteen, I had to get a job. All the money that I earned I had to give to mom, and I couldn’t keep any of it. It always seemed like she was hiding something from me, but I wasn’t sure what.

I remember the day I got the flu, and had to leave school early. Mom couldn’t come to pick me up, so I my aunt had to come pick me up. My house was a mess, and hadn’t been that morning. Draws were opened, and nothing was in its right place. At first I thought that someone had robbed our house, I mean it seemed like the most logical answer. Then I saw something gleaming from the kitchen counter. I inched closer to see what it was, and when I did, I couldn’t believe it. I picked up the dishtowel that had been on top of it, and found a needle.

When mom came home that night, she was angry. She told me that she had been fired from her job. I wasn’t surprised why. She said because her boss had caught her doing heroine in the bathroom. Mom was lucky that her boss was her best friend; otherwise she might have been arrested. I spent the rest of the day in my room. I was trying to figure out why this was all happening, why mom was doing this to herself. Is that why we barely had any money? Was mom using all of our money on drugs? I wanted to find out, so I crept into mom’s room. I could barely open the door. There were clothes everywhere. The only place that didn’t have clothes was her bed, so I took a seat. I felt something crumble as I sat down. I got up, and there was nothing there. I pulled back the sheets to find a piece of paper. My jaw dropped. The paper said that mom hadn’t paid the bills in six months, and that we were going to lose our house. That’s when mom came barging in, with a wine bottle in her hand. She looked at me angrily, and threw me to the floor, and started hitting me.

That night I went to bed crying. This went on for the next month. What had I done? I just wanted to know what was going on. I felt like I knew no one in my life. What had I done to deserve all of this? Was this why dad had left us, because mom was an alcoholic and drug addict? Why had no one told me?

On my sixteenth birthday, mom and I took a train into the city. She said that we were going to start a new life, and that everything would be better there. I didn’t want to have to share my life with her, I hated her, and nothing could change that now.

reallly sad gosh more!

CHAPTER TWO

“Jacquelyn!” I heard mom call my name. That night I fell asleep near a garbage can on a bunch of old newspapers. Mom ran towards me with her latest boyfriend, Marcus. I sat up and looked up at them. “Well, get up!” mom said and she kicked me in the ribs. I clenched my ribs in pain as mom and Marcus laughed. “Listen sweetie, we’re gonna go out and get jobs today. I dunno about you, but I’m gettin’ tired of havin’ to sleep on the streets. I wanna buy us a nice big apartment.” I stared off into the distance. Like that would ever happen. We’d never get enough money to buy us a big apartment. We barely had any money now. The only money we earned was from begging people on the side of the street. “Marcus said that he could get us a job. The place is fifty blocks away, so we should get movin’.”

I was really tired, and I didn’t feel like moving. I had heard mom and Marcus making strange noises last night, and I couldn’t fall asleep.

“Well come on! Get movin’!” Marcus said and he kicked me hard in the ribs. I clenched my ribs and slowly got up. It was a windy November day, and the wind was blowing my hair all over the place. I looked around at all of the people along the street. They were all homeless, like us. They all wheeled carts, or had signs begging for food or money, and looked really grungy. Is this how I looked to everyone? I didn’t want to look like this, I had no choice. If I had a choice, I’d live in a big house with my father and Julie. We would all be happy together, without mom. I could never want to be with her. I watched as she and Marcus walked drunkenly down the street. They fit right in with the crowd. Everyone was either drunk or high. If you valued your life, you wouldn’t dare step foot in this neighborhood. So far I had seen three drug deals, six rapes, and five shootings. I sighed. It felt like we were never going to get there. I looked down. I didn’t know how much more I could take.

wow EDDi talk about sad. more!

Finally mom and Marcus stopped in front of a dark building. I looked up and saw blinking lights that read LUSCIOUS LIPS. Mom and Marcus looked at me.

“Ladies first,” Marcus said with an evil grin. I stepped inside and immediately inhaled a cloud of smoke. I coughed and then clenched my sides. My ribs were bruised from being kicked too many times. I looked around at all of the people. They looked no different from the people I saw everyday, so in other words, they looked scary. They all had a crazed look on the face. As I worked my way towards the front, I found what they were mesmerized by. Women. Beautiful women dressed in skimpy outfits dancing. So the place where Marcus said he could get us a job was a strip joint. I didn’t know whether I should take it as a compliment, or take it as an offense.

“Marcus,” a man said as he made his way through the crowd of people to shake Marcus’s hand. “Nice to see you again. It’s been ages!”

“Ah, yes. Well, I’ve been busy with other…things.” he said and looked at me and my mom.

“And who are these two lovely ladies?” Billy said and he took my mother’s hand and kissed it. Mom giggled and blushed.

“This is the lovely Melissa,” he said, and he looked at mom. “And this young lady is Jacqui.” Billy and I locked eyes for a moment, and then I quickly looked away. I looked around at the other women. They were all witches. They put a spell on every man in the room, unleashing all of their deepest and darkest desires, and once they got what they wanted, they’d leave them, and move onto their next victim. I didn’t want to become one of them. I just wanted to go back to our old life, upstate, in a big house, with dad and Julie. But that life was long gone.

im dying to find oiut what happens next!

“When can you girls start work?” Billy asked with an evil grin on his face. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to.

“Oh, we can start right away!” mom said and smiled at Billy. I immediately pulled myself out of my trance, and looked at my mom. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to work here. Why should I have to?

“Mom, can I talk you for a second?” I asked.

“Mom?” Billy asked as he raised his eyebrow.

“Oh, we’ve been together for so long, that I’m like a mother to her.” mom said and then gave me a dirty look. She pulled me away from Marcus and Billy. “You know never to call me mom in public! Especially when we’re doin’ a job interview!” and she slapped me across the face.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly.

“Well you better be. You better hope that you just didn’t lose us our job, otherwise you’re gonna get a whoppin’ that you’ll never forget.” I looked away from her, and then nodded. “Now come on.” she said. She walked back towards Marcus and Billy smiling, like nothing had just happened. I touched the cheek that mom had slapped. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. Nobody had noticed what had just happened, and if they had, I honestly don’t think that they would have cared.

Wow, it's really good, I can't wait for the rest!

This is amazing, captivatingly dark it's, the characters have dragged me into their world and now I want to find out what happens.

I'll be keeping a close eye on this, it's amazing!

X

wow, this is really amazing, I can't wait for more!!

thankss guys!! heres sum more :)

“Alright ladies,” Billy began saying as I walked back over to where everyone was standing. “The costumes are backstage. Carmen will show you where they are.”

As we made our way towards the front, people began to look at us.

“Oooh, fresh meat.” I heard someone whisper. I turned around to see a fat man with clothes who did not accentuate his best features. Mom smiled at every guy who she passed, and they returned a devilish smile back at her.

Backstage was just how I had imagined it. A bunch of women walking around in skimpy outfits, making sure that their hair and make up was perfect.

“Excuse me,” mom began. “I’m looking for Carmen.”

“Yeah, that’s me. Whada you want?” a lady said as she walked over to us. She had long blond banana curls that crept down her shoulders, and eyes as blue as the ocean. She wore the lowest v - cut shirt, and the shortest skirt that I had ever seen.

“Hi, I’m Melissa, and this is my friend, Jacqui.” Mom said motioning towards me.

“Yeah, what’s your point?” Carmen asked. She had been smoking a cigarette, and she blew a huge ball of smoke in me and Mom’s face. It hadn’t fazed Mom, but I felt my eyes begin to burn and felt the smoke creep down my throat. I coughed.

“We’re new. Billy sent us back here. We’re looking for the costumes.”

“Oh, they’re in the dressing room over to the left. Just let Mandy know you’re here, and she’ll put your names down on the list.” and Carmen walked away.

“You go and get changed, and I’ll go tell Mandy what’s up, Kay?” Mom said as she walked away leaving me alone. It was as if time had stopped, and everything was blurred around me. I didn’t want to admit it at the time, but I was scared.

I walked into the dressing room --- a small closet with a bunch of clothes scattered across the floor. Everyone was done changing and was ready to go on, so I was left their alone. I stared at the clothes. I didn’t know what to wear.

“Here,” Mom said as she walked into the room, picking up a shirt and skirt from the floor. “Hurry up and put this on. We’re on in ten.”

I sat down in front of the small vanity and stared at myself in the mirror. I didn’t like my makeup. Mom had done it, and she had put too much on. I stared at my blue eyelids and my blood red lips. What had I done to deserve a life like this? I thought back to a happy time, when my family was all together, and we were all happy.

Amazing update I can't wait for more

X

MORE PLEASE

It was twelve years ago. We were at Daytona Beach, Florida. A close friend of Dad’s had gotten into some trouble, and he had had to go on a business trip to Florida. It was spring break, and we had been planning on going to Florida and stay with Aunt Marigold, but something had come up, and our plans had gotten cancelled. Mom thought of Dad’s business trip as our spring vaction. She had argued with Dad for weeks about it, but finally he gave in. We went to Daytona Beach for spring break. Mom, Julie, and I spent most of our time on the beach, while Dad spent most of his time in court. Julie and I spent most of our time making sandcastles and boogie boarding. Mom eventually convinced Dad to spend one day with us at the beach. Dad left early so that he could be on time for his case. He had forgotten his palm pilot at the beach, so I had to run after him to give it back.

By the time I had caught up with him, we were in the hotel parking lot. I had to go to the bathroom, so I went up to the hotel room. On the way down, I had run into Candace, Mom’s friend who worked at the hotel. When I had eventually made my way down to the lobby, I was surprised to see that Dad was still there. It was four o’clock, and he had been complaining that he’d be late for his case if he didn’t leave the beach at three-thirty. I saw him talking to some red haired woman. She was pretty, and Dad had been smiling. I thought about this as I walked back to the beach. “Well, Linda, we’d better leave before my family comes back from the beach.” That’s what Dad had said.

I told Julie what I had seen. We had been making a huge sandcastle, and she just stepped on it to tell Mom what was going on. I was furious that she had ruined are beautiful sandcastle, and even more furious when we left the beach to go back to the hotel.

That night there was a lot of screaming. That was the first night that Mom and Dad had really fought. I sat next to Julie in her bed. Mom and Dad were scaring me. They had never fought like that before. I heard Mom scream. It almost sounded like Mom was in pain. Julie began to talk to me. She didn’t want me to hear what was going on, but it was hard not to. Julie and I had had our own hotel room, but the walls were paper thin. I could even hear other guests’ doors open and close in frustration. Our whole floor went to bed to Mom and Dad’s screaming.

“Come on, Jacqui. We’re on.” Mom said as she opened the door. I guess that really wasn’t a happy memory.

Ouch...I guess not. I like how you thread her innocence throughout this fic, you don't explain to much because you know the characters only a child.

X

thankss!!

CHAPTER THREE

I didn’t want to go onstage. I was scared. Mom pushed me out in front of everybody, and I almost fell off the stage. I was never good at walking in heels. I tried not to look at anyone, but I could feel their filthy eyes on me. I kept my eyes fixed on my feet, but then I heard people begin to boo. I looked around at all of them. They looked angry. I looked backstage at mom. She looked at my angrily. “Do Something!’ I saw her mouth. What? What was I supposed to do? The stage was kind of like a catwalk, except at the end was a pole. I was terrified. I looked around at everyone, my eyes were wide. Between the crowd’s booing and my mother’s dirty looks, it was hard to not do anything. So I did something.

~ ~ ~

Mom was angry at me that night. She said that I had done a bad job. She made me promise Billy that I would be better tomorrow. Mom was terrific, and everyone had loved her. She was ashamed to even say that I was her “friend.” That night she hit me. She hit me hard. “I’m sorry!” I screamed. I think she broke my ribs that night. I leaned next to the garbage can and felt tears slide down my cheeks. I carefully laid myself down on the newspapers. I didn’t sleep that night.

MORE. i love how this sotry is ahndled so delicately, well crafted!

^^thankss!!

The next morning I looked dreadful. My mascara was smeared, and I could barely walk. Mom still made me walk all the way to LUSCIOUS LIPS. Mom warned me that if I didn’t do well today, that she’d hit me even harder tonight. I looked down at my feet and nodded. It took her a while for her to make me look “beautiful.” I didn’t think I looked beautiful. I looked like a little girl who was playing dress up. I stared at my eyes. Mom had done her best to cover up my black eyes, but they were still visible.

“You’re on,” Mom said from the doorway. I was having trouble getting up out of the stool, so Mom came over and gave me a hand. She made it worse. She clenched my sides with her long finger nails. I yelped. “You better do good today, otherwise there will be a whole lot more of this, tonight.” she said, and she threw me to the floor. I felt my eyes begin to water, but I beat my tears back. Now wasn’t a good time to cry.

I walked slowly across the stage. I felt everyone’s eyes on me again. I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t want to do it.

Mom said that if you were good, that you’d get a “callback.” That’s what she would call it. It was when a guy really thought that you did a good job at work, and he’d ask for a private show. I got one of those that day. I begged mom to save me. The only thing she said was to “Have a good time.” I made three hundred and fifty dollars that night.

MORE

He drove me to work that morning. I sat in the front seat looking out the window. I wore his stained t-shirt. It smelled of smoke.

“Well here’s your stop, miss.” he said with an evil grin. “Maybe I’ll see you around.” he put his hand on me knee. I looked over at him.

I looked around for Mom. I couldn’t really see anything because it was too crowded. I thought I heard her voice, and I turned around quickly hoping to see her. I bumped into someone. I felt immediate pain. My sides still ached.

“I’m sorry!” I said as I tried to pick myself up off the floor. I couldn’t. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, but it was hard.

“Do you need any help?” he asked as he put a hand out. I looked up at him. He wasn’t like any of the other men at LUSCIOUS LIPS. In fact, I wouldn’t even call him a man. He was young, about my age. I looked up into his eyes. He had the deepest blue-green eyes that I had ever seen. He was small for his age, and he had dirty blond hair. I looked at his I.D. card. His name was Jesse. I reached up to take his hand. My arm was shaking. As he began to pull me up, I felt a sharp pain. I clenched my sides, and felt my eyes begin to tear again.

“Let me help you,” he said and he pulled me up gently.

“Thanks,” I said. I didn’t look into his eyes, because I was afraid that I’d get lost in them again.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“My name’s Jesse,” he said and he put out his hand.

“My name’s Jacqui,” I said and I gave in, and looked into his eyes.

“Yeah I know. I saw you yesterday.” I looked away from him. He came here often. He was just another one of those scum bags.

“I work here as the janitor.” he said with a smile.

“Oh,” I felt embarrassed. Even though I hadn’t said what I had thought out loud, I still felt guilty. “Well I better get going. I’m on soon.” I said and I walked away as fast as I could, which wasn’t too fast.

“Bye,” I heard him say.

oooh more

“You’re late,” Mom said as I walked into the dressing room. I took out the money that I had made last night. I saw her greedy eyes take it all in. “But that’s alright. I see you did good last night. Good job.” she said as she grabbed the money out of my hands and put it in her breast pocket. We looked at each other for a moment, something we didn’t normally do. “Well, sit down.” she finally said, and she did my make up.

I felt different as I walked out on stage that day. All the fear that I had felt the past two days had left my body, and something new had taken its place. I felt like a different person. I didn’t know it, but I was becoming one of them. I began to get more callbacks. They didn’t faze me anymore. It was just an everyday thing for me. Mom said that she was proud of me, something that I never thought that I’d hear from her. For once, I was happy, but it was a strange happiness. I began to make friends, friends that most parents wouldn’t want their daughter to hang out with. I saw Jesse every once and a while, I felt him watching me. I wish I could see more of him.

Mom and I eventually earned enough money for us to buy an apartment. We no longer had to live on the streets. Mom and I left Marcus. We bought an apartment close to LUSCIOUS LIPS so we wouldn’t have to walk too far to work each morning. We bought an apartment at the same building where Carmen stayed. We were neighbors. Over the past few weeks, Mom and Carmen had become good friends. Mom and I were getting along well. She said that I was being a good girl. She hadn’t hit me in a while, which had left time for my sides to heal. Mom and I waited for Carmen outside her apartment that morning. We had decided to walk to work together that morning. We watched as the door opened. Jesse walked out.

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“Bye,” he said as he looked down. He rubbed his cheek and then looked up at us. My eyes went wide.

“Jesse?” I asked.

“Oh hi Jacqui!” he said as his face lit up. I just stared at him.

“Oh, no, it isn’t what it looks like! Carmen’s my mom.” I let out a sigh of relief. I saw him smile at me. I hadn’t meant to do that.

“Oh,” I said. I felt myself blush.

“Well I gotta go to work, but I’ll see you later,” he said with a smile. He looked at Mom, and gave her a quick smile and then left.

“How do you know Jesse?” Mom asked.

“Well he does work at LUSCIOUS LIPS.” I said. I thought about what I had said. Mom slapped me.

“Don’t you talk to me like that!” I touched my face.

“Sorry,” I said softly.

“I don’t want you talking to him.”

“Why?” I asked. It didn’t seem fair to me.

“Just because. I don’t wanna see you with him, okay?” she asked me. I nodded slowly. The door opened and Carmen came out.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said. “I got --- held up.” she smiled.

I sat down at the vanity as Mom did my make up. I thought about what had just happened. Carmen was Jesse’s mother? Carmen wasn’t exactly what you’d call a good role model, and she was Jesse’s mother? Did she hit him like Mom hit me? Is that why Jesse worked as the janitor? Because she made him? I was trying to answer all of these questions inside my head.

fab!! I really love this!

I didn’t feel as confident as I had in the past as I stepped onto the stage. I looked around at today’s audience. I felt that fear inside my chest begin to build up again. Then I saw Jesse cleaning up a table. He looked over at the stage, and saw me. He smiled, and I smiled back at him. I felt my heart leap. I took a deep breath, and I did my job. I felt Jesse’s eyes on me.

For once, I didn’t get a callback that day. I sat alone on my bed watching TV. I heard screaming coming from next door. I turned down the volume on my TV. It was Carmen. I turned off the TV and put my ear to the wall.

“Billy said that you didn’t do a good job today. Why is that?” Carmen shouted.

“I don’t know,” Jesse said softly.

“Oh, is that right?” I heard a loud slapping noise. “You ain’t tellin’ me the truth, boy! Now tell me the truth!” There was a pause, and then a loud bang against the wall. Then there was a loud slapping noise. “You’re a lying piece of sh*t! Get out! Get out of my f**king apartment!” Then the door slammed shut. I heard Carmen walk away in her heels. Then I heard the door open and close again. I stood there for a moment. Then I opened the door.

“Jesse?” I said quietly. “Jesse, are you there?” The door opened. He looked terrible. His long blond hair was ruffled, and his eyes were bruised. His face was wet with tears. He opened the door for me and then walked back into his apartment. He sat down on his bed and faced the wall. I stood near the door. There was a long awkward silence. I watched as he wiped away tears from his face. I wanted to ask if he was alright, but that was a stupid question. This reminded me of when Julie died.

WoW! I didn't know you'd updated so much so fast lol I'm going to have to check this more...

amazing chapters, I think it would be cool if you maybe wrote her experience on the stage, the things that went through her mind as she danced, I understand fully well why you wouldn't want to describe her job in detail though,

I can't wait for more, you're a great writer

X

^^thankss so much!! if u guys are really interested in what goes thru Jacquis head while shes on stage, i will write it in....if u guys are sure....

It had been a cold, rainy November morning. It was gloomy out, and I had woken up on my couch. Everything was still, which was odd. Last night mom and dad couldn’t stop arguing, but this morning, there wasn’t a sound throughout the house. At first it seemed nice. I smiled. Maybe Mom and Dad had made up, and everything was okay now. I was hungry, so I had walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. I found Mom sitting at the kitchen table crying, and Dad looking out the window. Something was wrong. I didn’t know what, but something. Then Mom told me. I didn’t know how to react. Everything felt surreal. Julie couldn’t die. Who was going to be there to comfort me when I was sad? Who was going to be there to wipe away my tears?

Mom had just moped around the house that week. You’d mostly find her sitting on the couch watching TV drinking wine. I didn’t know where Dad was that week. He had disappeared. I couldn’t face everyone at school, so I decided to just stay home. Mom was too out of it to realize that I wasn’t going to school, and Dad wasn’t around to force me to go, so I just stayed in my room and cried into my pillow.

I can barely remember Julie’s funeral. I remember at her wake how everyone was sad, and that everyone was crying. Everyone was crying except for Dad. Mom had said that Dad had different ways of expressing his emotions, but what I didn’t get was why he never came to his daughter’s funeral. Mom had made the pastor wait two hours to start, hoping that Dad would eventually show up. It had been a rainy day, and everyone was soaked and tired, so we started without him, thinking that he’d come late. He never came. There had been a lot of yelling that night. Mom was outraged that Dad hadn’t gone, and that she had had to go through the whole thing by herself. She had me, but I was too young. I sat on the top step listening to their yelling. The whole memory ended when I heard pots being flung downstairs in the kitchen. I put my head in my hands and began to cry. There was no Julie there to comfort me.

more more more!! And yeah, Anwen's right, it would be really cool if you did some of her thoughts and stuff. ANd if ou talked about the men who gave her 'callbacks'. Like "tonight's caller-backer was really old" or "tonight's wasn't so bad." or something.

ok i'll do that for you guys :)
i'll post it tomorrow...or today wutevv l0l

I cleared my mind, and came back to earth, back to the current situation. I looked at Jesse. He had his head in his hands. I didn’t want Jesse to feel like I had, so alone in the world. I walked over towards him. I knelt down in front of him, and looked at him. He picked his head up from his hands and looked into my eyes. His face was stained with tears. He looked away from me and put his head back in his hands. I sat down next to him. There was another awkward silence.

“I know how you feel,” I said. “So alone in the world, like no one gets what you’re going through,” he didn’t look up at me. “But that’s not true. I get what you’re going through, because I go through the same thing everyday.” he looked up at me. “Melissa’s not the best mother.” I said and I looked down at my feet.

“We have each other, right?” Jesse asked softly. I looked up into his eyes and smiled.

“We have each other.” I said. I rested my head on his shoulder as he cried softly. He wasn’t like any other guy I had met before. He was different.

more!!

Jesse and I talked for a long time that night. We talked about different things that had happened to us, and how we ended up where we were now. Jesse hadn’t had a fairy tale life, either. He and his Mom had been poor, like me and Mom. Carmen made some mistakes, when she was young, so that’s how she ended up with Jesse. They barely had enough money to get food, and they often went to bed hungry. He said that he almost died. He hadn’t eaten in two weeks, so Carmen went out and got them a job. Carmen had pulled Jesse out of school when he was ten to work as the janitor at LUSCIOUS LIPS.

I couldn’t imagine my life always being terrible. It wasn’t always that way. I was happy, but Mom had screwed everything up. Jesse and I had become good friends that night. He didn’t want me to leave, so I stayed with him. Mom and Carmen didn’t come home that night, so we were both safe. Nothing happened between me and him, we were only friends. Very close friends.

more!

Jesse and I walked to work together that morning. We talked for a while before we went our separate ways, until I saw Mom. I quickly left him, and walked over to greet her.

“I made half the rent money we need,” she said. “You’ll have to make the rest of the money tonight.” I looked at her. I didn’t want to, because then I wouldn’t be able to see Jesse tonight.

“But Mom,” I began. “Couldn’t you just earn the rest of the money? I mean ---” but she cut me off with a slap. I touched my face.

“Don’t you argue with me! You’ll do as you say!” and she stormed off. She didn’t come back to do my make up, so I had to do it myself. I sat there and looked in the mirror. I didn’t do it as well as Mom did, but it was good enough.

“Jacqui, you’re on,” I recognized that voice, but it wasn’t Mom’s. I looked away from the mirror to find Carmen.

I looked around me at today’s crowd. I saw Jesse sweeping in the back, and he looked up and smiled at me. I smiled back at him. I did a good job that day, and I got a callback. I looked for Mom as I walked through the crowd with him. We usually left around the same time, but not today. Maybe she had gotten a callback, too. As I was leaving, I asked Carmen if Mom had gotten a callback. She said that Mom had left work almost as soon as she had arrived, and no one had seen her since.