Copyright&copy All Rights Reserved


I want to cry. I dab at my eyes. No trace of wetness. I feel my cheeks being held by soft hands. I look into eyes so similar. But it's not the same... It's really not.

I pull my face away. It was sort of my fault, wasn't it. After yesterday he just couldn't focus on anything. I finally kissed him. And he ends up dead.

Dylan finally tries to break the horrifyingly awkward silence.

"I can tell you think it's your fault. But it isn't. Not in ANY way."

"Stop trying to tell me that. HE WAS PLANNING THINGS TO DO ON THE DATE WE SAID WE LOVED EACH OTHER!"

"He should have been looking where he was going, it's really not your fault! Believe me when I say it!"

"OH SO NOW YOU'RE BLAMING HIM?! Get the hell out of my face."

I'm running out of the house, down the street, not caring about banging every street pole on the way.

Maybe he's still alive and they were WRONG, I think to myself.

Shut up. He's gone. Accept it.


I feel like killing myself. I want to join him. But he probably wouldn't let me, after I practically murdered him.

I think about Dylan. How hurt he looked, how hurt he looks. But he was trying to tell me it was Cole's fault. Then again, so did my parents and everybody else who felt like pitying the poor little girl who finally had a real relationship.

Rot in hell, all of you.

I pour myself some ice water. I feel it slipping down my throat in a cold, numbing stream. It tastes... empty. I think about going for some juice, but deep down, I know it'll be the same. I think how, maybe, just maybe, if I drink enough ice water, I'll be so numb that I can forget everything in the past few days.

I hear someone knocking at the door. I walk almost casually to the door, so I can think about who's there behind it. It's just one of those things I do. I open the door. Surprise, surprise.

"Yes?" I ask him, eyes burning with icy fire.

"Please, let me come in! Let's talk!" I feel like blocking out his words and fixing my attention on his glossy, strawberry blonde hair. I feel my stomach growling like a grizzly bear. I haven't eaten. Aw no. I think I'm gonna pass out.


"Please wake up, please."

I wake up to find Cole looking down at me. I reach up to hug him tightly. He hugs me back. I feel like I'm in heaven. Maybe I was pitied and someone up there is letting me be with him at last.

But this time the hug is different. I let go, falling to the floor with a hard knock back into reality. I knew it couldn't be true after all. I feel disgusted with Dylan and most of all myself, for falling into the trap.

"D-d-don't move. I'll get you a pillow."

Dylan's going out of the room. Maybe if I ran right now. I slowly got up, my legs wobbly as a new-born deer's. I stumble to the door, thinking it's a good thing my parents are out of town.

I'm jiggling the doorknob. It won't budge. I begin to pound at the wooden frame of the door. I'm desperate. I have to get out.

But I'm too late. Dylan's back.

"I'm sorry. I really am. But I knew you would try to run away, so I..."

"SO YOU LOCKED THE effin' DOOR?! WHAT AM I, YOUR PET DOG?!"

"No, it's not like that at all, I just didn't want you to hurt yourself!"

I screamed in my pain.

"BUT THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU MORON!"

"EXACTLY YOU IDIOT! IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA LET THE FIRST GIRL MY BROTHER FELL IN LOVE WITH KILL HERSELF, I MUST BE A MORON!"

I try to speak. But no words can come out. I stare at him with a mix of concentrated anger, sadness and realisation. But the anger overrode everything else and I punched him out cold.

Again: love it!! Could totally make a fab full length story!!!

I stare at him, unconscious, on the floor. No, I mustn't feel sorry. He's wrong. So wrong. Isn't he?

But my rational side is starting to reappear. I feel it.

"He's protecting you from yourself. It's what Cole would have wanted."

I try to block out the voice of reason. But it's too late. Too late.

I go to get some ice for his head while popping a piece of gum in my mouth. It was good for one last bubble. If all my stubborness was the air in the bubble and it popped one last time, I suppose I could come down from my high horse and... No. It's too easy.

I can't very well apologise after all that. I know I should, but in these situations...

"Are you there?" I heard him call.

"Shut up before I hurt you again."

I guess my rational and emotional brains were at war.

Wow, I really love it! Sorry if I sound corny, but it's moving.