GREATER LOS ANGELES DRIVER LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name: ___________________
Stage name:____________________
Agent:___________________
Attorney:_______________________
Therapist:_________________

Sex:
[ ] Male
[ ] Female
[ ] Formerly male
[ ] Formerly female
[ ] Both
[ ] Just fabulous, darling
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will size of implants hinder your ability to safely
operate a motor
vehicle
in any way?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Please list brand of cell phone: _____________.
*If you don't own a cell phone, please
explain:___________________________.

Please check hair color:
Females:
[ ] Blonde
[ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers:
[ ] Red
[ ] Orange
[ ] Green
[ ] Purple
[ ] Blue
[ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that
apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[ ] Applying make-up (male or female)
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[ ] Snorting cocaine
[X] Injecting Botox (already checked for your
convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading

Please indicate how many times you expect:
a) To shoot at other drivers _____
B) To be shot at while driving _____

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should
immediately call:
[ ] The police to report the crime
[ ] KCAL Channel 9 News to report the crime, then
watch your car on the
news
in a high-speed chase
[ ] Your attorney to discuss lawsuit against cellular
phone company for
911
call not going through
[ ] Your therapist

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
[ ] Stop your car
[ ] Keep driving and hope for the best
[ ] Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved
ones
[ ] Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for
KCAL Channel 9

In the instance of rain, you should:
[ ] Never drive over 5 MPH
[ ] Drive twice as fast as usual
[ ] You're not sure what "rain" is

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:
______.
*If none, please explain: __________________.

Are you presently taking any of the following
medications?
[ ] Prozac
[ ] Zovirax
[ ] Lithium
[ ] Zanax
[ ] Valium
[ ] Zoloft
[ ] All of the above
[ ] None of the above
*If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
[ ] Less than 1 hour
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] 3 hours or more
*If less than 1 hour, please explain:
__________________________.

When stopped by police, you should:
[ ] Pull over and have your driver license and
insurance form ready
[ ] Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the
405 Freeway
[ ] Have video camera ready and provoke them to
attack, thus ensuring
yourself of a hefty lawsuit and the lead story on KCAL
Channel 9

When turning, you should always signal your intentions
by:
[ ] Using your directional signals
[ ] What is a "directional signal"?

Which part of your car will wear out most often?
[ ] The horn
[ ] The horn
[ ] The horn

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
[ ] Dark, poorly lit roads
[ ] Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the
way
[ ] Revenge!

Your rear view mirror is for:
[ ] Watching for approaching cars
[ ] Watching for approaching police cars
[ ] Checking your hair
[ ] Practicing your award acceptance speech