Beverages

A man in a convenience store bought a bottle of Coke that tasted funny, upon closer inspection he found a mouse in the bottom of the bottle. He was "permanantly sickened" by the incident.

Douching with Coca-Cola will prevent pregnancy.

The New Coke fiasco was actually a clever marketing ploy.

Coca-Cola became a carbonated drink when a soda jerk accidentally mixed Coca-Cola syrup with soda water.

The modern image of Santa Claus in a red-and-white suit is derived from advertising illustrations created for The Coca-Cola Company.

A tooth left overnight in a glass of Coca-Cola will dissolve.

Snapple supports Operation Rescue, a right-wing organization that tries to shut down women's health clinics, and the Ku Klux Klan, another right-wing group. The ship on the label is a slave-ship.
- It didn't help that Rush Limbaugh was a spokesman for the company.

Tropical Fantasy, an inexpensive fruit drink that is marketed mainly in inner-city an low-income areas is owned by the Ku Klux Klan and contains a drug that causes sterility.

The secret ingredient in Corona is urine.

During a regular six-month cleaning of the vats Dr Pepper is mixed in, the skeleton of a missing worker was found in the bottom - his tie still wrapped around a bar of the stirring machine. -From DuckShade

When cows are milked, sometimes there is a great deal of blood that comes out along with the milk. This tainted milk is non-salable, except to the makers of pre-packaged chocolate milk, since the cocoa hides the blood. And chocolate milk makers get the milk at quite a bargain.

Evian is "naive" spelled backwards, because people who pay 2 bucks for a bottle of water are.



Candy

Eating Pop Rocks with soda causes your stomach to explode, a famous victim of this fatal combination was Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials.

Bubble Yum Bubble gum contains spider eggs.

Life Savers were created by a man who's daughter had choked to death on a non-ventalated candy, he made them with an "air-hole" so that wouldn't happen to others.



Cabbage Patch Kids

Cabbage Patch kids were modeled after mentally defective children to get people used to what children would look like after a nuclear war.



Disney

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves represent the seven levels of cocaine dependancy.



Exxon's Seals

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.



Fast Food

The reason Kentucky Fried Chicken has changed their name to KFC is because they no longer use chickens, they've genetically created a food-animal that has no beak, feet or feathers and is fed through a tube until it reaches the proper size. KFC can no longer advertise chicken because of this, if you'll notice the word chicken has been removed from their menus and advertisements. - Thanks to RJTBird for this one, it's currently being circulated by email.

McDonald's uses worm-meat in their burgers to save on costs.
-My question is, is it really cheaper to do that? It would take alot of worms to replace a cow.

McDonald's also serves kangeroo meat in thier burgers to save on costs.
-Again, are kangeroos cheaper than cows?

No 2 countries which have McDonald's fast-food chains have ever gone to war.

In the UK McDonald's donates a portion of their profits to the Irish terrorist group the IRA, so that their restaurants will not be used in bombing campaigns. -Thanks to MAFAMR

McDonald's uses minute traces of chemical substances in their food to make it addictive. -Thanks to MAFAMR

McDonalds milkshakes are made with lard. -Thanks to MAFAMR

McDonalds milkshakes are made with seaweed. -Thanks to MAFAMR

A child complained of being hurt while playing in the "ball pit" at a local McDonald's and pointed out a small red mark on his behind. His mother noticed something like a splinter just under the skin so made an appointment to have it looked at. Within a few hours the child went into a coma and died - the splinter had been the needle from a syringe full of heroin that had been discarded in the pit. -From Chris Mak

During the BSE scare McDonald's bought up cow carcasses that were "possibly infected" to use in their burgers. -From Annastasia

A girl ate a taco from Taco Bell that contained roach eggs, the eggs got into the lining of her mouth via her salivary glands.

Subway's Jarrett died from his rapid weight-loss.



Food

A finger was found in a jar of Vlassic Pickles.

Hostess Twinkies aren't baked, they set like Jell-O.

Gerber Baby-Food recently was sued for falsly advertising "all natural ingredients" and lost, now they owe every child born between 1985 & 1997 $500 savings bond.

The wax used to line the cups of instant noodles will build up in your internal organs causing serious problems later in life.



Household Products

Febreze, a product for eliminating pet odors is toxic and kills many animals.
-This legend prompted them to add comments from the ASPCA to their ad campaign. Of course it's made by Proctor and Gamble who do indeed kill many animals.



Liz Claiborne: Racist

On The Oprah Winfrey Show, Liz Claiborne said her clothes weren't made for black women because their hips were too big.

Also on Oprah, she admitted she supports the Ku Klux Klan.



Made in Usa

In the 50's a town in Japan was renamed Usa so that products could be shipped to the US with the stamp MADE IN USA.
-There is a city in Japan named Usa, but it's been there for much longer.



Marlboro: Racist

The Phillip-Morris tobacco company funds the KKK, in the packaging design of Marlboros Cigarretes you can see the 3 K's. -Thanks to Annastasia for this one



Moonies

Unification Church owns Entenmann's.

Unification Church owns Waldenbooks.



Pharmaceuticals

There was a brand of diet pills that contained the heads of tapeworms, inside people's bodies they'd regrow and the people would immediately begin to lose weight. The only way to get rid of the worms, once infested, is to starve for days then sit a bowl of warm milk in front of you and open your mouth so the hungry worms can smell it and crawl up your throat and out into the milk.

Carmex, a cold-sore and chapped-lip salve sold in small jars, is addictive.

Waterproof sunscreen can make you go blind.

Tampons contain Asbestos to encourage bleeding so women will use more of them.
-Actually most do contain rayon and dioxin, two potentially harmful chemicals.



Proctor & Gamble

The Proctor & Gamble logo, a moon with a face, had 666 hidden backwards in it's beard, also if you connected the stars around him you got more sixes. This was because the big boys at P&G had sold their souls to become so successful.
-When this one started getting around, Proctor & Gamble immediately dropped the logo from use.

The President of Procter & Gamble appeared on the Sally Jesse Raphael Show and announced that "due to the openness of our society", he was coming out of the closet about his association with the Church of Satan. He stated that a large portion of his profits from Procter & Gamble Products goes to support this satanic church. When asked by Sally Jesse if stating this on TV would hurt his business, he replied, "There are not enough Christians in the United States to make a difference."
-Poor bastards, they deserve the negative publicity for all the animal testing they do.



Tommy Hilfiger : Racist

Tommy Hilfiger revealed in an interview with Oprah Winfrey that he didn't design his clothes for black and asians (or other minority groups).
-Sometimes Larry King instead of Oprah.

The Turkey Neck



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A man came home one night very drunk, and he passed out on the couch. His wife, who was tired of seeing him drunk every night, stormed upstairs and went to bed. Later, his kids walked in and decided to play a joke on their lush of a father. They went to the fridge and found a roasted turkey neck, then returned to their unconscious father, unzipped his pants and placed the turkey neck inside. In a couple hours, his wife went downstairs to check on her husband. When she peeks in the livingroom, she sees the family cat munching on what appears to be her husband's penis and faints, breaking her wrist as she fell.

THUMP THUMP...DRRRAAAAGGGG
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A teenage baby-sitter put the kids she was watching to sleep in their beds and went back downstairs. The late night news was on the TV -- the reporter said a psychopath from a local mental institution was on the loose and that police thought he might be in the area. He cautioned residents to lock their doors and windows because this guy was very, very dangerous. Well, the teenager checked the locks on the windows and the doors, but she forgot the door on the cellar bulkhead. Needless to say, the psychopath broke in about an hour later, coming up from the cellar, armed with an ax. The children heard some noises downstairs, but thought it was the baby-sitter moving some furniture around. Then it got real quiet. All they heard for the remainder of the night was this noise: "Thump! Thump! Dra-aag... Thump! Thump! Dra-aag..." Evidently, they were too afraid to get up to see what it was. In the morning, their parents came home and were horrified to find the babysitter at the top of the stairs, dead with both arms hacked off at the elbows. She'd been climbing the stairs on the bloody stumps of her arms, pulling her badly injured body along. Was she trying to check on the children? Was she trying to get help? Or in the madness of her tortured soul, was she planning to kill the children herself? No one knows for sure.

The Spider Cactus

A woman visiting Mexico bought a small cactus as a souvenir and smuggled it across the border when she went home. A few days later she was admiring her cactus when she could have sworn it wiggled a little, she dismissed it as a trick of the light until it began to vibrate. Finally she began to worry and called customs to confess her crime and see what she should do about the wiggling plant, in a panicked voice the man on the phone told her to get out of the house immediately. It was too late and by the time the men in protective clothing got there, the cactus had burst open releasing thousands of tiny spiders who made the woman their first meal

The Spider in the Hairdo

Back when all the girls wore beehive hairdos, one girl ratted her hair so high and put so much hairspray in it, that she never washed or took it down and combed it. One day in school blood began to trickle down her forehead. She was rushed to the hospital, but was dead on arrival. At some point a spider had laid eggs in her hair, they had hatched and the baby spiders had began eating her brain.

The Trapper's Dog

A trapper lived high in the mountains with his infant son and his large sled-dog. His wife had died during childbirth, so it was up to the dog to protect the child while the trapper was out. One day the trapper was hours late returning home because of an especially heavy snow and his blood ran cold when he saw the door of his home was ajar. He grabbed his ax and rushed in to see the floor was covered in blood and the baby's crib was empty. He stared in horror as his dog crept from under the bed, his muzzle red with blood. With a cry the trapper raised his ax and buried it in the dog's head. He heard his baby crying and ran to the other side of the bed to find him alive and unharmed. He also found a dead timber-wolf clinching some of his dogs fur in his teeth.

From a Welsh legend circa the middle ages, but the trapper's a King and the dog's name is Gelert - Thanks to Andrew Macham for the info



The Tummy Ache

Two young boys were hiking through the forest one day, and decided to drink out of a small stream they came upon. They were badly frightened by a snake nest by the water, and ran home. A year later one of the boys had to be hospitalized, he was always hungry, but stayed thin and was plagued by stomach cramps. The doctor pumped his stomach and found a full grown snake coiled inside.



Another Tummy Ache

The father of a teenage girl was growing more and more worried that his little girl's stomach seemed to be growing. Over and over she swore she couldn't be pregnant but her father was suspicious because of how much time the girl was at the beach. Finally he took her to the hospital when she started complaining about stomach pain. The doctor confirmed she wasn't pregnant, it appeared to be a tumor or growth of some kind, he said an operation was necessary immediately. Octopus eggs are microscopic, and they assumed the girl must have swallowed some while swimming.



Wall to Wall

A carpet layer had just finished with a wall to wall job when he wanted a smoke, he started looking around for his cigarettes and noticed a lump in the carpet. Frustrated and not wanting to re-do anything he grabbed a hammer and pounded the lump flat. The next day the old lady who'd hired him for the job called and told him he'd forgotten a pack of cigarettes, and asked "By the way, did you happen to see my canary while you were working, he seems to have gotten out of his cage again?"

"Time's up!"




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According to the university rules, if a professor hadn't arrived to a class by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered canceled for the day and the students were free to leave — with no penalties for missing a class.

Mounted over the chalkboard of each classroom was a type of wall clock that jumped ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. These clocks were also not constructed in the most sophisticated manner. An enterprising student learned that if you hit the clock with a chalkboard eraser, the clock would jump ahead 1 minute.

So, in a class where the professor wasn't precisely punctual and his students considered him absent-minded, almost daily these students took target practice at the room's clock. A few well aimed erasers, and 15 minutes quickly passed on the clock, and the class dismissed itself.

When the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled into the room on time, passed out the exams, and told class, "You have one hour to complete this test."

The professor collected the erasers from around the room, and gleefully began taking aim at the clock. Within 10 minutes he had successfully jumped the clock forward one hour. "Time's up"!

The stolen Paper
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A student who belonged to a fraternity that kept a file of members' papers and exams came across a several-year-old term paper to copy and resubmit. Weeks later it was returned with an A on it, and a note that read: "When I wrote this I only got a C, I thought it deserved much better."