This was sent to me on my myspace account and thought eveyone might need a laugh.

(This especially pertains to you Atela coz your always trying to find your sanity)....LOL

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go T o A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.


15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This E-mail To Someone To
Make Them Smile.

Its Called ..... therapy

ROFLMAO

My dads friend sent this to me:



To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the th ought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was
"DON'T!

"Don't what?"
Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."
God said.



"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"





"No Way!"


"Yes way!"



"Do NOT eat the fruit! "
said God.





"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so! "

God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? "
God asked.








"Uh huh,"
Adam replied."Then why did you? "
said the Father.

"I don't know,"
said Eve.


"She started it! "
Adam said.


"Did not! "

"Did too! "

"DID NOT! "

Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed

FOCLMAO!

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet God and asks him if he can ask a few questions.

"Sure," God says, "Go right ahead".

"Ok," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"

God says, "So you would like them."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"

"So you would love them", GOD replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"

God says, "So they would love you!"

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes happen around the home, she moved.

She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.

She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

So I'll pass the question to you. Is she to dumb to be blonde?

I'm bembarassed for you. Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers.

And I want a bike and a monkey and a friend for the monkey.

Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

I bent my wookie.

Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad.

That's where I saw the Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.

Look Big Daddy, it's Regular Daddy.

Look, Daddy, a whale egg!

Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to wet my pants.

My cat's name is Mittens.

This snowflake tastes like fish sticks.

My parents won't let me use scissors.

Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours.

When I grow up I wanna be a Principal or a Caterpillar.

Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office.

Dear Miss Hoover, you have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin is biting me. Come back soon. Here's a drawing of a spirokeet. Love Ralph

Bushes are nice 'cause they don't have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!

I dress myself.

This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end.

The doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that's why it was the best summer ever.

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

He's gonna smell like hot dogs.

Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulders.

When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University.

I ate too much plastic candy.

I ate all my caps...ow!

I found a moon rock in my nose!

I'm wearing a bathrobe, and I'm not even sick.

Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove.

You have the bestest Dad. He read me a story about Chinese food.

Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

My face is on fire.

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there.

Your hair is tall...and pretty!

Wheeee... ow I bit my tongue.

It tastes like ... burning.

Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!

Was president Lincoln okay?

I'm Idaho!

And when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been > >withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, ( I love this bit)................. "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

LMAO

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.
The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."

LMAO

In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.

24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

26. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

This guy wrote this on a diffrent site:



Letter from grandma:


The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, and he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

My grandson burst out laughing... why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed. I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Grandma

FOCLMAO! I heard that one before.

Fun Things to Do to Telemarketers

* Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.

* Make up your own language. Speak it.

* Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"

* Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.

* Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "

* Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.

* Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."

* Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.

* Communicate only through Morse code.

* Try to sell the telemarketer something.

* Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.

* Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.

* Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.

* Make him/her sing to get a sale.

* Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."

* Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.

* Say nothing until he/she hangs up.

* Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.

* After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.

* Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.

Things to do in Office Meetings
1. Take notes in finger paint.

2. At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your sinus condition.

3. Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, “Oh, now I get it!”

4. Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: “Hey, you don't want to catch what I've got!”

5. Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so.

6. Make a face like somebody beside you farted.

7. Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called.

8. Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely.

9. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

10. Bring a noisy electric pencil sharpener. Sharpen your pencil every few minutes.

11. Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

12. Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a different person deliver another one.

13. Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them "doctor's orders."

14. Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she “not hurt you anymore.”

15. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

16. Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently.

17. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

18. Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared.

19. Rubberneck at the notes of the person next to you. Copy them word for word. Subvocalize as you do. Tell them that they “understand these things better than you do.”

20. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

21. Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.

22. Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting.

23. Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes furiously.

24. Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers you can't help it. Start crying.

25. Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it's to “prevent the seizures.”

26. Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit from your lips, and say “It's pitiful. But what can you do?”

27. At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply.

28. Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you “so you can hear better.” Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are as close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into space.

29. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

30. Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a while, quietly say a few words into it.

31. Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they really need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them how bad they are.

32. Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that “my ears tend to get real cold at these meetings.” Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder.

33. Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody “My doctor's appointment is tomorrow.”

34. Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the conference table. Explain to a neighbor: “Just in case.”

35. Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

36. Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the speaker's. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the presentation.

37. Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.

38. Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps you concentrate.

39. When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, “Well, here's the way I see it, J.B...” (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

40. Have a friend who does not work at your company accompany you to the meeting wearing bib overalls. Explain that it is National Take-a-Hick-to-work Week. Have him occasionally make an inappropriate comment or ask a stupid question. Tell him to keep quiet, and apologize to the group. If possible, have him bring his own spittoon, and chew tobacco and spit throughout the meeting.

50 FUN THINGS TO DO AT K-MART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Funny things to do on an airplane



1. At the airport, wear a uniform and claim you are the pilot, get annoyed if they don't believe you but DONT give up, see how far you can get ( WARNING, may result in you being arrested)

2. Whilst boarding the plane, say in a loud voice "THAT WING SURE DOES LOOK RUSTY!!"

3. When everyone is seated, do your own demonstration of what to do in an emergency, let this include 'comical' situations such as "in the (likely) event of the plane setting alight and becoming a plummeting fireball of death, please remember to tighten your seatbelt" look surprised when you are the only one laughing.

4. when the plane is still on the ground, Rock back and forth in your seat and say aloud "THIS TURBULANCE SURE IS ROUGH!!"

5. Wear rags and a headscarf, claim that your name is Svetolafoson Frojhkyhkjuhjdj and that you are being deported back to Estonia, look pleased when your told that this plane is not going there. say "Really?!, u haf not met me if zey ask zen, ok?!"

6. As the plane is landing, adopt the 'Duck and Cover' position as you scream "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH! ONLY DEATH AWAITS US ALL NOW! DEATH I TELLS YA!!!!" when you land safely, stand up and leave the plane normally, thank the stewardess for a lovely flight.



7. Go in to the toilet and make loud vomiting noises, keep going for a few minutes, then come out and announce to the plane that the toilet is blocked, act like its not your fault.

8. Stand up and ask the passengers if anyone " wants to join the mile high club with you?" wink suggestively at various people...of both sexes.

9. Get the pilot to show you round the cockpit, come out afterwards and say "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGH HE COULD FLY THE PLANE AFTER SO MUCH VODKA BUT IT JUST SHOWS, THEY REALLY ARE TRUE PROFESIONALS!".

10. Delight your fellow passengers with your impression of a plane crashing in to the sea, complete with sound effects.

11. Enthrall your companions on the plane by telling them that you knew the pilot of Buddy Holly's plane and you're pretty sure he trained at the same place as your current pilot.

12. Give a fact filled guide of the area you are flying over, this can include " And if you look to your right you will see the wreckage of our sister plane, after she was shot at and subsequently crashed in to that mountain side which, as you can see, her burnt out hull remains embedded in, the bodies were never found.'

13. Streak.

14. Occasionally scream........loudly.

15. Get up and announce that you are going to hi-jack the plane, make to get out a gun, but act like its not there, check all your pockets and then say " OH CRAP, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE OTHER COAT, OK, NEVER MIND!" Sit down like nothing has happened.

16. From the second you take off, every ten seconds say in the same voice "are we there yet?"

17. Keep sniffing around and eventually say in a loud voice "CAN YOU SMELL BURNING?"

18. Go to the cockpit, wait a few second, then come back and say in a loud voice, "UMM SHOULD'NT THERE BE...LIKE....A PILOT?"

19. When your on a small, ten person plane, Inform everyone that you used to be an aerodynamic engineer and this plane is VERY badly built.

20. As you get of the plane, look worried and announce loudly" VAIT A MINUTE, VOT IZ ZIS PLACE?! ZIS IZ NOT POLAND, VERE ZE HELL IZ ZIS?!?!?!?"

21. If you're flying first class, make sure to sit behind someone. When that person is sleeping, grap your motion sickness bag and vomit in it. After you do that, hold the bag in the air and then pop it on the person. See what happens......

well..............one day.........me and my friend went to walmart.Well we decided to do some pranks so we went to electronics,we set all the radios to an annoying station and turned them off,and then turning the dial on high.Then while I was changing a radio station,my friend poured some vault on my head and I poured some on hers a few moments later.So we ran to the bathroom to wash it out.A few minutes later we ran back to the bathroom to do some more pranks.we each got into a stall and waited for some people to come.well when they did,my friend started grunting and I tried to hold back my laughter.Soon she tried to drop an empty vault bottle ino the toilet but it didnt work.When I held back my laughter and calmed down I said,"now now Mr.Happy,stop falling asleep on me",to see what people would do.We dgot done in the bathroom and ran out of there,laughing.When we were far enough,my friend told me,"Dude,I tried to drop an empty bottle in the toilet but it didnt make a big splash so I poured the rest of my vault on the floor and the lady in the next stall moved her feet becouse it went under the stall.",and I laughed at her.Then we went to the toy isle to look for G.I Joes and X-men but couldnt find any X-men so we left and got lost in walmart.


((Note this is a true story...and for those young pranksters out there..........unless you dont want to get in any trouble........I am recamending you to TOTALLY do this))

lmfao JUST WUTEVER U DO! DO NOT RUN THROUGH THE AILES YELLING "BANG BANG" WHILE HOLDING A FAKE GUN!!!!!!!! THIS WILL MOST LIKELY LEAD TO JAIL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of my the girls I work with posted this on myspace. Let's see if you can read it. ^_^

I'm scared!

hehehehheheehh

Couldn't believe that I could acutlacly understand what I was reading. The pemonahanl power of the human mind, according to a researchers at Cambrigde Univeristy, it doesn't matter in what order the letters in a word are, the only important thing is that the first and late letter be in the right place.

The rest can be a total mess and you can still read it without a problem. This is because the human mind does not read every letter by itself, but the wrod as a whole. Amazing huh? yeah and I always thought spelling was important! if you can read this repost it.




I think I spelled pemonahanl and acutlacly wrong ><

That's cos they're supposed to say 'actually' and 'phenomenal'.... lol....

Sorry >< I'm a sped ><

Ok here are some pics the girls I work with sent me........ and the sad thing is.. the last one is so true. ^_^ FOCLMAO

THIS FITS ME ALRIGHT!

Put water in your mouth, and pretend you are barfing when someone walks by. (It's really funny when you chew up some Snickers for this.)

Get an "Obsession, for men" cologne sample spray, and go up to people asking, "Do you have an obsession for men? I was just wondering because I have an obsession for me. It's in my pants. Do you want me to spray you with it?" When they look at you funny, take out the cologne and say "What? It's just my 'obsession for men' cologne. What were you thinking of?" (It doesn't work on the people that have the cologne. or girls... guys should be doing this one..)

Walk behind someone and have an arguement with yourself. (It's even better if you talk in two different voices; For example: German, Indian, italian, Cowboy.)

Have a bottle of water and go up to people saying, "Thirsty?" (I got a total of 5 people to drink from my bottle - you need to refill alot though.)

Have a newspaper or a book(or something like that) and hold it out to someone and ask, "Thirsty?”

Put a chunk of something sticky on your hand, and go up to people saying, "Eh, how're you doing?" and try to shake their hand. (Some people actually don't notice huge sticky brown things sticking to your hand. Melted mars bars are good for it.

Jump kick a wall and look at someone and say, "Please don't do that."

Go up to someone and say in a very low voice, "Death by catapult." (There is also, death by spatula, death by rug burn, death by malapropism, or any other weird random way of death.)

Get people to join you in your strange adventures. (Twice the people = twice the fun.) Be careful about the people you do these things to. Have fun.

Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.)

Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")

Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when I try to bump them.)

Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?"

You shouldn't be aloud to get bored... And that one that says:I'm the type of girl.....-I do that ALL THE TIME!!!!XD

So do I. that's why it was sent to me. ^_^

Here's some things my friends sent me:

LMAO YOU STOLE MY FISH! XD

It is now wednesday 12/27/2006 2:17

And I was wondering,as I did the dishes and listened to my Ipod 4 gig nano........


where do we go after we died?


Its a silly thing to think about,but as I listened to my songs and did the dishes,it popped into my head.I have thought about this so many times and I just never knew.Some people think we go to heaven,others think we are reincarnated,some think we just wonder the Earth.
Do we have a reason to live?Do we just live and die,and then what?
Now that I think about it,Where do we go?If we dont get reincarnated or go to heaven or wander the Earth,why are we living?
Life to me seems to have no purpose then.....so....what do you think?Is this just another silly question,or a problem waiting to be solved?
What about heaven?How do we know what its like,or hell?If we do get reincarnated,how do we know it happens?Do you just wake up,feeling diffrent?Can you remember your past life?And if you just wonder aimlessly,where do you go then?After you go every where,what do you do?Just travel,seeing the sites?

As you can see,I have wondered about this question for a while.Many things have entered my head.There is just no solution........



((No offense to any Christians or any other religious group....I did not mean to upset you if I did))

Okay....I didn't even read the whole thing..

((Sydney talking...rofl))

Yea, i think the same thing. I guess we just hope for the best, and all go somewhere...i mean, it really is an interesting thing to talk about, but we shouldn't get totally caught up in it and spend the rest of our lives fearing death and crap. I mean, why consider life, just death beginning?? Maybe if your a buddist, you do whatever they believe in, and christians do whatever they do. who knows. ah well.....


((Lust talking.....rofl))

I believe when we die we go to different plains and how good you did on this plain decides where you go on the next plain. You appeart to be something else when you die like a tree or twig on this plain, but you are actually something else on this plain. Thats why people can be psychic. They have the ability to see the real person on the other plain.

Each person has their own belief on life and death. Even those that share the same religion do not always agree on what happens after death.

Life is just the begining of a journey that is often too short. It is a chance to make a diffrence whether good or bad. Each imprint we leave on this earth is transfered to the next generation. As for why we live? That is an unanswerable question. There is no right or wrong answer that can be given to it. Life is full of odd twists and turns.

The concept of Heaven, Purgatory and Hell were created to scare the common people into believing that there were concsiquences that would determain where your soul would spend the rest of eternity. Heaven for those souls that did no wrong, Hell for those that comitted sins of the worst kind, and Purgatory for souls that were too bad for Heaven and too good for Hell.

Reincarnation was another concept brought about to determain what happens to a person's soul when they die. Depending on the kind of life they live, the soul is reborn in a better or worse life than it lead before it's body died.

Then there are those that believe once your body dies so does the spirit. That is returned to help the earth as it helped them while they lived.

As for my personal opinions on the subject, life is only what you make of it. Why dwell on what happens to your soul when you die when there is so much to live for now. No matter how bad your life seems to be, you have the choise to continue down the path others set for you or take your life in your own hands and do what you want.

Death comes to all that walks this earth. There is no way around it. No matter what religion you practice, no matter what your belifes on life and death are, You are still mortal and death will eventualy visit you.

My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured all the teachers
We have broken all the rules
We have smashed up all the black boards
We have thrown out all the books
The school is burning down
Glory,glory,Hallelugah
The teacher hit me with a ruler
I hid behind the door with a big 64
And she aint gonna hit me no more

Mtay then.................................................................................................

LOL