Title: Broken
Description: one of my fanfics
CalleighElleDakota - December 11, 2007 04:14 PM (GMT)
Prologue
He watched them talking – again. Of course he had known it now already for quite a while and it was unbelievable painful for him to know the real truth…
Flashback, a week earlier :
He saw him kissing her – and it was hurting him, because he knew about the betrayal this specific interaction meant…But he couldn’t do anything against it – she was out of his reach for so many reasons…So he kept silent about what he had observed – it wasn’t his business after all, not his place to judge.
End flashback
(Change of POV)
She was once again waiting for him. He wasn’t the one she loved, but the one who possessed her heart since she had first seen him, was out of her reach – for so many goddamn reasons…
So she had settled for him – to not being alone…But every time he was lying next to her at night, her mind was wandering to the man she really loved – and she regretted the decision she had made a few months ago after a particular difficult case.
(Change to the original POV)
Another week had passed and it had come like it had to come : She had found out the truth…He had seen her crying and it broke his heart – which was supposed to belong to someone else than her. She was heart broken. He should have told her the truth, but he hadn’t…
Now the only thing he was able to do for her was being there, picking up the pieces of her broken heart and helping her with putting them back together…
Tbc
Hope you liked it! If you did let me know and I post the next chapter... :)
CriminalMind - December 11, 2007 07:08 PM (GMT)
That's really good! Keep up the good work!
CalleighElleDakota - December 12, 2007 01:48 PM (GMT)
Thank you! And - like I promised - here is chapter 2 :
1.The Fisher King
He was surprised that Elle and Morgan were still wanting to go on their trip to Jamaica – after all that had happened between them…But maybe it hadn’t been about love after all. Still the jealousy he felt was eating him away. It was just not fair that Morgan was able to have the one thing he could never have – Elle…
All these things were running through Hotch’s mind while he was driving home to his family - and he was feeling so horrible guilty for it, but he just couldn’t help it…
When he arrived at home he tried to get rid of the thoughts he should certainly nothave.
Starting to work on the list Haley had made for him helped with doing so pretty well – being occupied like this was not leaving much time for thinking about something he was not even allowed to yearn for…
Late that night :
When he received the call from Morgan, he had to fight back his rage – first Morgan had cheated on Elle with Garcia and now she was in trouble, because he had convinced her to go with him to Montega Bay!
Aaron told his wife that he was unbelievable sorry, hurried to get ready to leave and arranged everything which was necessary to help Elle as fast as he possibly could, while driving to the airport.
When he arrived he met up with Morgan and switched into work –mode and then they went together to the Police department to get Elle free. As they entered the interrogation-room Hotch noticed that Elle was wearing only a black top and short dark pants, so he took off his suit-jacket and gave it to her.
She gave him one of her gorgeous smiles and while he was explaining the situation to St Pierre he realised once again that he should treasure every moment when she was looking or smiling like this at him, because it was all he could and would ever receive from her, unfortunately.
After they had left the department they hurried to get Elle’s and Morgan’s stuff from the hotel and drove to the airport, where the FBI jet was waiting for them – ready to take off for DC.
When they had taken off Elle finally said something : “Thank you, Hotch…I mean, I know that you had plans for your vacation time and how much you have looked forward to being able to spend some time with your family – and instead of being able to enjoy the time away from the office, you had to come here in the middle of the night to get me out of prison…”
“Hey Elle, listen to me, don’t get yourself so worked up because of this…It wasn’t a big deal – really.” He gave her a reassuring glance.
Elle smiled grateful at him and tried to think of a reason why someone would do such a thing like this. After a moment of silence Hotch and Morgan started to fill her in about what they were knowing so far and Hotch called JJ to let her know that they were on their way back to DC.
The next evening :
When he sent Elle home he was sure he was doing the right thing – how wrong he actually was he was going to find out not much time later. But not until it was nearly too late…
After they had received the call Hotch was feeling horrible and the case got even more personal.
He could have known – he shouldhave known…
Tbc
Chapter three is going to follow soon!
CriminalMind - December 12, 2007 08:14 PM (GMT)
Aw, poor Hotch! And bad Morgan! :o Keep it up!
CalleighElleDakota - December 13, 2007 12:27 PM (GMT)
Yeah, bad Morgan - but he is going to have to pay the price for that :D
New chapter:
2.Memories
While they were still chasing the UnSub, Hotch was unable to deal with his thoughts – which were all including memories of Elle. He remembered the first time he had seen her like it was yesterday.
It had been the first case with Gideon back on the team after the incident in Boston. Hotch had been totally impressed by the young agent. After the case had been closed and they were on their way back to DC she was still invading his mind – he just couldn’t get rid of her image. He still felt guilty for what he had thought when he first saw her. – Hell he was married for years, his wife was pregnant, they were even already talking about how to name their unborn son…
When he had gotten to his office to work on the paperwork he wasn’t able to avoid and to look thought the pile of personal files of agents who wanted to get the opening in the BAU he noticed a file with a specific name – Elle Greenaway. He smiled and had suddenly made up his mind – he was not willing to give the open position in his unit to anyone else than her.
He had called her the same night and invited her for an interview about the job in the BAU. He didn’t dared to apologize for calling in the middle of the night, probably waking her up. He smiled sadly and also kinda ashamed when he remembered his thoughts when he heard her dozy voice on the other end of the line. He had tried to imagine how she was lying in her bed and felt bad for it.
Back then he had hoped that it would be much easier for him to get her out of his mind when she was working for him – of course he was aware of how stupid that was, but still he had to do something to get his thoughts about her under control.
The interview two days later went even better than he had thought and they agreed that she would start in two weeks. After she had joined his team his plan worked out the way it was supposed – at least for a while.
He had thought he would get along with her as a friend – without him thinking permanently about her – even when he was with Haley.
Hotch still knew when this had changed. The day had started unusually quiet – and had nearly ended in a disaster…A psychotic guy had taken hostages in a train somewhere in Texas. At first he had thought it would be a case like every other one before – a bit complicated considering that the man was psychotic and had two guns, but still just the normal stuff. Then Gideon had entered the room and said four horrible word’s “My god, Elle” and suddenly Hotch regretted to having allowed her to go all by herself to Texas.
But how much it was getting to him was something he was only realizing after all of it was over and the events of the day were finally sinking in – he could have lost her that day. And he hated this fact – he hated the fact that he was feeling like this, that he cared so goddamn much for her. He could have lived with it in case something had happened to Reid – even if it would have been Gideon and something bad happened, but Elle – it was impossible for him to even imagine having lost her…
Flashback:
After all passengers had left the train he went to Elle and Reid. He noticed once again the cut on her cheek and told her : "Well, I'll see you at the hospital..."
"Hotch, I don't need a doctor..."
He only shook his had : "This guy hit you with a gun into the face. You could have a concussion after all. You are going to see a doctor -that's an order - and I'm not going to discuss this any further, you got that!" I then turned away to meet the others. Still angry with himself - for letting her go to Dallas and even more for letting his feelings getting in the way...
End flashback
After that day he was unable to keep denying his true feelings for her. It was easy for him to recall the evening when he was close to reveal it with only one little question…The team was sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York City and while eating they were talking about work – like always. Then all of a sudden Elle pointed out the obvious – that they were always talking about work-related stuff.
Without thinking about it he asked her if she was seeing someone. Luckily for him the others didn’t realized that he was totally serious about this – he really wanted to know, he needed to know…
He knew he should be happy about having a great wife like Haley, but still Elle was always on his mind…And, yeah, of course he felt guilty for it but it didn’t changed anything!
When he found out about her relationship with Morgan he had felt like he had to die. He hadn’t gone home that night, first he spent nearly to hours at the firing range imagining it was Morgan he was shooting at, and when he had finally decided to go home he knew Haley would notice that something was wrong with him and he just hadn’t the energy to lie to her that night – so he drove around, trying to get her out of his mind.
Now he of course knew that it hadn’t been anything serious for her, but still…
Tbc
Hope you liked this one as well...
CalleighElleDakota - December 15, 2007 06:01 AM (GMT)
Here is chapter three :
3.Profiler profiled
Four days had passed since they had closed the case and everyone on the team had noticed how different Hotch’s behavior had become. He was quieter than usually and seemed far away with his mind.
They were on their way to help on a case in Orlando and talked about the case details. The only one who was sitting quietly all alone in one corner of the plane was Hotch – once again lost in his thoughts. He wasn’t aware of the conversations of his colleagues. The guilt he felt because of what had happened was nearly unbearable for him. He wanted to be at Elle’s bedside to make sure she was okay – he of course knew that his team needed him, but he couldn’t be there for them …Right now he needed to get his thoughts in order, to figure out what he wanted…
The others were trying all the time to light up Hotch’s mood, but he won’t open up to anyone of them. The only topic he was willing to talk about was work.
He knew that even Haley had noticed how much he had changed in the last few days, but he didn’t care – he couldn’t…
The team knew that their boss was spending all his free time in the hospital at Elle’s side, everyday he was looking more tired, desperate and farther away with his thoughts and they were getting more and more worried.
At the evening, back at DC :
After they had closed the case in record time the team started to work on their paperwork. Hotch went straight to his office to finish up his tasks as leader of the unit – and that as fast as possible, because he wanted to get to the hospital to see Elle. Only a few minutes passed before his mind drifted back to all the things which bothered him now for weeks – especially since Elle had been shot.
Meanwhile in Gideon’s office :
Gideon was still busy with his paperwork when his phone rang.
“Yeah?”
“Jason? This is Haley…”
“Oh hey, how are you?”
“To be honest – I’m worried about Aaron…”
“Why’s that?” Gideon was curious, he knew that something was wrong with Hotch, but he was surprised to hear that Haley had noticed it as well – because Hotch usually tended to hide his problems and sorrows from his wife.
“He changed so much - not only in the last few days…He is totally quiet and distant with his thoughts for weeks – a few days ago he started to only come home for changing his clothes, the dark circles under his eyes are getting darker every time I see him – and he just won’t open up to me! I don’t know what to do anymore…”
Gideon heard in her voice how desperate Haley was – he was sure that she was close to tears…
“Maybe you could talk with him, Jason?”
“I will try – but I can’t promise anything…”
A moment later they hung up. Gideon thought for a while, when he lifted his head he saw Hotch leaving so he jumped up from his seat to get to him.
Gideon opened his door in a hurry and ordered : “Hotch, can I have a word with you?”
Hotch forced a calm expression onto his face and went to his friends office.
“What’s the matter – I’m in a hurry…”
“I already noticed that – have a seat.” Gideon was aware of the fact that Hotch hated to be ordered around – but there was no other way than to force him to talk.
After Hotch had taken a seat he gave Gideon only a half questioning half annoyed glance.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“You know the answer Jason…”
“I don’t believe that you only changed like this because of what has happened to Elle – we all feel horrible because of it and are worried about her – but right now we are more worried about you…You getting more distant from us everyday – and that’s not only like this since Elle had been shot. There’s something else bothering you we both know that – and one thing is for sure : In case you keep this behavior up you will ruin your whole life – if you don’t get yourself killed in the field because of the lack of sleep …”
“Stop profiling me, Jason!”
Hotch jumped up and wanted to leave but Gideon stopped him with his next sentence : “Listen, Aaron if you don’t open up to someone and keep up this way of behaving you are going to lose everything – including your life. You have a family that needs you…Do you really think Haley doesn’t noticed how much you changed in the last time?”
He paused and waited for a reaction of his friend – but there came none, so he went on : “Stop being so god damn proud and talk to me – you need to talk with someone…Have you even an idea of how worried Haley is?”
Slowly Hotch turned around – his shoulders hanging finally giving up his façade. He went back to the chair and sat down.
After a moment of silence he started quietly to talk : “It’s all my fault – I sent her home…”
“We both know that this is only a part of the truth, Hotch – you know as well as everybody else that this is nobody's fault, nobody could have known this…Haley told me that you started to change weeks ago…”
“You talked with her?”
Gideon only nodded and observed Hotch, who leaned now his forehead onto his hands, his elbows on his legs…
“There is another woman…I can’t stop thinking of. – She invades my mind wherever I go, whatever I do – I just can’t get her out of my head…At the beginning I tried to deny it but then there was this incident and I finally realized that she could never be only a friend to me – not to mention a colleague…”
Not even a second passed before he got aware of his mistake, but Gideon kept quiet for the time being so Hotch went on : “I don’t know what to do…she is invading my every thought – even when I’m with Haley I keep thinking about her– and now this happened…and it just gets all too much…”
He finally looked up – his eyes full with pain.
“Do you love her?”
“I don’t know…I love Haley, I love Jack – but I also know that I couldn’t live without her – if she dies because of my mistake – I don’t know what I would do…But I could never be with her anyway – for so many reasons…I can’t lose my family not to mention that she is totally off limits…I’m her boss…”
He suddenly got aware that he just revealed his secret – and he knew what Gideon would say every moment, so he got up and left in a hurry to get to the place he needed to be…
Tbc
Hope you liked it! :)