How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all


When I came back from my vacation in America my mom got a phone call from someone that Yvonne (her cousin) had died from Bone cancer. She was only 46 years old.

I don't believe in a God above so the feeling that you'll never see someone anymore is just unbearable and so damn cruel. My mom talked to her mother at the funeral and she said that she had been with Yvonne before the funeral. It must be so horrible to give away your child, even though they are adults.

I didn't attend the funeral, I didn't attend my grandpa's funeral 2 years ago too. He died from leukimea and he was always so healthy before that stupid disease.

I have a friend and her aunt had been in the hospital for 3 months because she had a really bad stroke. Because there was flued in her lungs they operated but it went wrong and now she is brain dead and on the breathing machine. Maybe they already performed euthanasia (which I have nothing against) I don't know. She asked us to pray for her but I feel so guilty that I can't do anything, she lives in Florida, I live across the Ocean :(. I can't just start praying because that would be against my believes

:(

I really don't want to lose another loved one from cancer or any other disease. Life is so cruel sometimes

How did I miss this entire subject???? It was written days ago and this is the first time I've seen it. <_<

I'm so sorry to hear about this Julie.

Yes....it's the truth... :(

I'm sorry to hear about your mother's cousin. I just wanted to send warm wishes to you and your family...

AW Julie, I'm so sorry, and life can be unvearable cruel sometimes. On Monday the 16th, it was 3 years since my aunt died, and I felt so hopelessly frustrated I couldn't think straight, so I sympathise with you.

That's such sad news Julie, hope you're doing okay.

I've entered a grieving process yet again :(.
I don't want to upset or scare anybody.

A colleague of my mother had leukemia. She was so ill but it went away..

But it came back for the second time. (that is always the worse, you think you're save but it turns out you're not). I remember going to 'Ikea' and we saw her there, eating ice cream and enjoying life because she was declared healthy again.. That was the last time I saw her.

I went to school today, my mom picked me up from school and she told me in the car she'd died.

I'm so sad, everybody in our family and our friends get killed of by cancer. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE cancer :( :( I'm so incredible scared that I'll die of cancer too, now or later. If a lot of people in my family had it and died. It makes me really scared.

I know how you're feeling hun'. My family has something like 5/6 different types of cancer in it, and I used to get so frightened about what type I'd get, and when.

But my Uncle sat me down one day and just said 'You know, worrying about it won't make it go away, you'll just make yourself ill. HWne it's your time, it's your time, so enjoy life for what it is, and what you have, never worry about what the future will hold.' I guess it made me feel slightly better, because now I only worry about it a tiny bit.

It's hard, and it's scary, but I think you've just gotta put to fingers up to cancer and say 'Hey, I wanna live my life the way I wanna live it.'

(Don't know if that helps, or made any sense, but I hope it did!!)

Anyways, I'm so, so sorry about your mums collegue, *hugs* to you and you mum, and her friend and family are in my prayers.

When I was in the car we drove across an elderly person house and I was angry (how bad this sounds now) that all those old people were still alive, and yet another young person had to die.

I wish Pam was online :(

It's understandable though, especially if she was someone you knew. So many times I sit here and think about how many older people are still alive, when really young people are dying everyday, especially when my Uncle was in Iraq. *hugs*

Big hug Juliefan, it sucks when people around you die, can perfectly understand you get angry because elder persons are still alive. It's a way of coping, so don't feel bad about it.
I hope that the collegue of your mom and your mom's cousin are happy, where ever they might be.

I myself am not afraid of death, not my own death, I don't have a deathwish, not at all, but it doesn't scare me, but am scared as hell about people I love about dying, I've gone through it five times now and it isn't something you get used of, the emtpy, sickmaking missing feeling, just doesn't seem to leave in the beginning and after a while, I feel guilty, for accepting that they are just not here anymore, like they deserve to have someone missing them every moment of the day and I just can't do that, time heals all wounds.
When I was little…well actually I still do it, I never left my house without telling my parents I loved them, even if I was mad at them, because I was afraid one of us might die and I wanted those words to be my last words to them.

I don't believe in any god, I do believe in an afterlive though, after the person who I loved most in my live died I thought of this: when a person close to you dies, it's soul stays, looks after those he loves, he waits, waits untill he thinks it's time to go on, to start a new life, at that moment you forget you old life, but the lessons learned by your soul stay with you, so every life you live, your soul grows, the lives you loved the most, those you will be again drawn to.
This is what I believe, because I can't believe someone just to be gone, my parents do, I can't understand how someone can live believing life being so little that when it ends it just ends.

awwww,i'm so sorry JulieFan but like CriminalMind said,don't let it run your life,live life to the fullest because in all honesty it's a relatively short life and it's too short for regrets,i have been very fortunate that there has been no Cancer in my Family but it doesn't stop me from worrying about it but i just get on with life and don't let Cancer run it for me.....And there is no guarantee that you will get it,so don't worry about it or you'll make yourself ill....(((Hugs))) And i hope everyone feels better soon!!!

i know how ya feel...my grann died when i was 16......from lung cancer...and my papaw allen died before i was born..and my other papaw..died before i was born..then my papaw jones died about 5 yrs ago ..it hurt me alot

Cancer is such a cruel disease. It excists in so many forms and scientists and doctors have yet to find a real cure. It takes away so many lives, people of different ages. It's not fair and it will never be fair.

My (biological)mom died of two kinds of cancer when I was five. I went to her funeral, I also saw her in the casket and her laying dead in the hospital. It just makes me sad that I have so clear memories from seeing her dead and so few ones of her being alive.

I stopped believing in God after my mom died. It just didn't seem fair to me. I would lay in bed at Else (my extra mom)'s house crying and praying that my mom could come back and get me. That used to be my wish every birthday too. I don't really like birthdays anymore.

i soo know how you feel Linny...when my papaw first died..i stopped believing in God...!!! and when my grandma died...OMG i hated god and stop believe in him for the longest time until my grann came to me in a dream and told me it wasn't god fault...my granny and a friend of mine died of cancer...its a bad diease..and its painful when you see someone you love die..and Fade away

Ohh......you guys are going to make me cry just to think about this one!

The last few weeks have been really hard on me, well actually the past year, because my dad died of cancer. Watching that was my worst nightmare coming true! It's been almost a year now and I've been thinking a lot about him because I'm starting to have "anniversaries" (i.e. it was a year ago dad went into the hospital, etc.) This is going to be the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without him so it's going to be very emotional for me.

I never stopped believing in God though! It was the exact opposite for me. God was who got me through it because it gave me so much peace and comfort to know that when he died he was in heaven....and I really believe I'm going to see him again when I die too! So saying goodbye wasn't as hard for me because I really don't believe it is goodbye.

As for why horrible things like cancer happen.....I can't really say, but I know that everything that happens he allows and there is a reason for it. Sometimes we learn what the reasons are and sometimes we don't. I think there are a lot of reasons why God would let someone die like that but I don't believe it's punishment. I think it's God's way of getting your attention and making you realize that you are only human and he is ultimately in control. I think sometimes it's to teach us to learn to depend on him. I also truely believe God is far more concerned with your eternity than with this life but this life determines your eternity so if he has to bring things into your life that seem horrible but are good for you in the long run then he will.

i know how it was ...the first thanksgiving without my granny..it was hard..i still kinda sorta hate god still..but i dont know its hard to explain if you aint been through it

Yesterday.. All the emotions of Yvonne's death come back again. They died of the same thing. Well she died of bone cancer and the other women from leukemia :(

I know how you feel, JulieFan. I lost my cousin last October. he died in a car accident. we were really close as was my brother. i always hate the month of october now. my one comfort has been the fact that i believe in God and that i will see my cousin again in heaven but still.... the one thing i do know is that even after your loved ones die you never stop loving them.

.

I do that. I never go to bed angry, or leave the house angry. Whenever I do go to bed, or leave the house, I always say I love you. Also, when my aunt died, and my uncle went to Iraq, I stopped saying 'goodbye' I'd always say ;'see ya' or 'later' or something, because I hated the thought of goodbye, it's so final, and it scares me, which makes me feel silly, because it's just a word. I guess it's a coping mecanisim though, because through just making small change, you can cope, even for just a little while.

I have such a weird faith, I guess. I don't know if I believe in God, but I pray a lot, and do 'like'..or should that be 'admire/obey' (?) some of the 'rules' if ya like of religions. Plus, RE always interested me, how some people's faith got them through so much, and it does interest me, but I just don't know....I'm a very 'believe it when I see it' sort of person, and it's just hard to believe in someone who created the world, and protects us etc. But then again, I believe in an afterlife, and guardian angles, and things like that. I guess I'm just super weir dthough! :P

Pam, it's so hard, when anniversaries start creeping up. *hugs* I've always tried to believe that the person wouldn't want you to be unhappy, but it's so, so hard!

Brigitte, *hugs* to you to, it's never easy, and I wish it were as simple as saying 'the pain goes away', but I guess you've got to cling to the things that help you cope, a bit like a life jacket. *hugs*

i know about anniversary's my granny is on oct 5th cause that's her birthday and july 9th cause that is when she died..i always try to help my mom on those days cause its soo hard for her..and on my papaw birthday too

Yeah, last month was hard for mum, because her mum's brithday was Oct 3rd, and her death was Oct 15th. So I'm always extra nice to her those days, because it's really hard for her.

yea....it is hard when you have lost someone ...to have to be there on their birthday..my granny we go visit her grave on her birthday

Shoot.. She was only 33 years old.. She has a 5 year old son, and she always wanted a second child.. The comforting thing is that she now can rest, she suffered for a long period.

I never lost someone - but then there are also times when I think about my "real" parents and I'm wondering if they are still alive...

It's unbelievable :(

She wasn't here for no reason, her son Lucas is the proof. Everything she gave him, will continue to live in him forever!



But I guess I just have to listen to Kate Bush 'Don't give up!'

I have thought about religion a lot lately.. And I am thinking about going to church one time to get some mental support and to talk to someone why everything happens like it happens. I have never went to church to really do something, just to look. I have no idea.. can you just walk in every time of the day? Does someone know more about how its in Holland?

I don't know about in Holland but I know here you can go to almost any church any time in the day and they have a pastor or someone to talk to.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Only 33 - that's scary...I'm older than that! And how sad for her son to lose his mom at such a young age! :( I don't understand it either.

I am really thinking about going to our local church. They are very nice there and the pastor is a good person. The only thing I'm worried about is having to cry and looking like a fool because I am totally unaware about everything in the Bible etc.

I probably won't believe 100%, I don't even know if I even believe, but it can never hurt me, only can do me good :)! And hopefully I can get some peace!

I'm a lot like that too but a lot of people are. And they're used to talking to people that are full of questions and emotions. That's their job and why they are there. Those kinds of people are very good at just listening and comforting people. They won't laugh or make fun of you - they'll be very happy to try and answer any questions you have.

You know what they gave Esther as a present? They searched all over the world for someone who could show her how her son would look when he turns 18 years old. Somone found an American company who made an 'age progression' photo. :) So she could see how he looked like, it was one of her wishes :) And her son also appears in a Piet Kerkhof ad :) Her brother made sure they did that :)!

I think that's very cool! That would be so hard to know you wouldn't get to see your son growing up and becoming a man. :(

Yes! At first she didn't dare to look at it! :) But she did and it made her so proud!

death is hard to deal with...i lost a very special person when i was younger..his name was chance ..he was like 1 when he died...his stepdad was outside workin on the car and had chance next to the car..and the gas leaked or something and the car explded and kill chance..omg i cried soo hard at his funeral..and chance's mom had 2 be sedaded

How sad! Children dying has got to be the worst!

yea..omg yes his mom she almost passed out at the funeral..and chance he will call me manny..:) ..it was soooo cute when he done that i miss him a lot..he'd be 13 now..:) if he were still alive i still talk 2 his siter and mom..here is chance

Shoot... we just got a call... Uncle Bob (we call him that, he's not my uncle) has esophagus cancer :( Basically a death sentence :( Even in patients who undergo surgery with curative intent, the five year survival rate is only 25%. The prognosis is even more dismal in those who are not fit for surgery. It's the last case :(

Oh man! Brigitte.....more bad news!? This has been a rough year for a lot of people hasn't it? :(

Yes.. first my neighbor, she was really nice. Then my grandma's youngest brother.. Then my grandpa died of cancer, then Yvonne died of cancer, then Esther died of cancer, then my grandma's other brother died and now uncle Bob also has cancer!! And my grandpa also has a tumor in his head, but it's good. I wish it was genetic because then you had to do a lot of tests and then at least you know if you have anything. But it's not, which is a good thing off course but still!

On the bottom foto there is my mom, my aunt and Yvonne :)! I feel a bit weird looking at a picture of her as a child!

my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Julie... I know it is hard to lose someone. I lost my grandmother 4 years ago and it has been hard for me these last couple of years.