LINKHowever, I must say that the girls definitely spanked the guys doing the 50’s tunes. Mandisa was super-hot, with her sizzling performance of a song by one of my favorite jazz singers, Dinah Washington.
Paris was also quite sexy, looking a little Marilyn Monroe-esque, with her “so innocent, but really kinda dirty girl” eyes and sassy gold dress. Katherine looked absolutely beautiful and continued the mad sex appeal with that plunging satin number, although I was waiting for a boob to fall outta there. She may be the only white girl alive who’s able to work that Ella Fitzgerald song.
Unfortunately, Kellie killed the classy 50’s hot-girl vibe with her overdone, stripper makeup and skin-tight “going out clubbing” tube top. Plus, “Walkin’ After Midnight” is one of my all-time favorite Patsy Cline songs, and Kellie just ruined it. I wonder if she even bothered to consider the lyrics before she tried to sex it all up? The song is about a woman who was just dumped for Chrissakes. She’s lonely and pissed and hurting, not horny, and the way Kellie sang it sounded like she was out walkin’ after midnight looking for a piece of ass. Don’t tramp up my Patsy!
Lisa also missed out on the cool 50’s pin-up girl look by dressing up like a Mickey Mouse Club Mouseketeer. I think I mentioned previously that I’m a bit obsessed with 50’s doo-wop music, and her version of “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” by Frankie Lymon just sounded all sorts of f***ed up to me.
As for the guys, they ALL disappointed me, except for
Ace. Even my beloved Taylor left me high and dry with his performance of Buddy Holly’s “Not Fade Away.” Bucky’s version of “Oh Boy” was the same, but at least Taylor showed a little excitement. It speaks well of my darling Buddy though, because for all the times I’ve listened to his songs, I never noticed they were boring. So I guess it just indicates that no one can sing a Buddy Holly song like Buddy Holly, may he rest in peace. You just can’t mess with a musical genius.
Chris, on the other hand, just took a giant sh*t all over one of the greatest songs of all time, Johnny Cash’s “Walk the Line.” Now, I know that’s a hard f***ing song to sing, because I’ve suffered through a couple of boyfriends trying it out at the karaoke bar, but I was pretty sure Chris wasn’t even singing that song! I think he made up his own song and just put Johnny’s lyrics to it and that is extremely not okay. It hurts me to say it, because I really do like Chris (and would still totally bang him), but his performance was just plain crap and it made me angry.
Ugh, and Elliott also made me angry. The Barry tried to tell him he needs to put some feeling in his singing, he tried! But Elliott just wasn’t getting it, because he was bland as balls singing “Teach Me Tonight.” Plus the fat-ass tie was annoying.
Kevin, however, made me feel bad. He was just pathetic. I felt bad for him! Why the hell would he choose “When I Fall in Love” when there are so many terrific “teenager” type songs of the 50’s to choose from? My Dilbert kid totally dropped the ball and deserved to be kicked off, which he was by the way.
Ace was the saving grace of the guys’ performances, with a smooth-as-silk rendition of “In the Still of the Night.” Also a doo-wop song, Ace switched it up into a hot jazzy number and made me melt all over my couch. Let’s just say that I went to bed with a big ol’ smile on my face. Mmmm